How to Approach a Girl With Direct Game

How to approach a girl with direct game

How to approach a girl with direct game

Dat­ing advice is help­ful, but infor­ma­tion over­load can be coun­ter­pro­duc­tive. Con­tra­dic­tory infor­ma­tion results in con­fu­sion and too much infor­ma­tion causes “analy­sis paral­y­sis” and inaction.

But meet­ing girls doesn’t have to be com­pli­cated, so fol­low the KISS prin­ci­ple and Keep It Sim­ple, Stupid.

The two schools of seduc­tion can be cat­e­go­rized into direct game and indi­rect game. Direct game takes guts, but it’s the sim­pler and more effec­tive of the two. So, let’s look now at how to mas­ter the direct approach.

The Advan­tages of the Direct Approach 

Direct game means being hon­est and upfront about your inter­est in a woman. Of course it takes guts to approach a woman directly, let­ting her know that you think she’s beau­ti­ful and that you’re inter­ested in her, but it has two very impor­tant advantages:

  1. Approach­ing a girl with your true inten­tions rather than using an excuse (like ask­ing for direc­tions, advice or an opin­ion) instantly proves to her that you’re a con­fi­dent and mas­cu­line man, which is very attrac­tive to women. 
  2. Direct game saves you time and energy because you find out very quickly if she’s avail­able or not. There is no point wast­ing time chas­ing after women who are either not inter­ested or who are already spo­ken for.

Women appre­ci­ate a man who has the con­fi­dence to be hon­est about his inten­tions, so don’t beat about the bush or make excuses for your­self. The rea­son you’re approach­ing her is because she’s attrac­tive and you want to meet her. It’s as sim­ple as that!

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and get jiggy with beau­ti­ful girls?
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Wor­ship the 3 Sec­ond Rule

When you see a girl you like, wor­ship the “3 Sec­ond Rule.” This means approach­ing her within three sec­onds of see­ing her, so you don’t lose the moment. Occa­sion­ally you can admire her for a short time, but only if it’s to make sure that you’re really attracted to her. 

Don’t delay the approach unnec­es­sar­ily or give your­self time to talk your­self out of it. It’s amaz­ing how quickly your mind will come up with excuses not to approach. If you linger and hover around her, it’s guar­an­teed to make the approach feel awk­ward and forced. If you start to feel ner­vous, then remem­ber these three things:                                      

  1. The feel­ing in your body means that you’re about to do some­thing that requires con­fi­dence, and that is what women want. 
  2. If you are already feel­ing uncom­fort­able, you might as well approach her, oth­er­wise you would have felt bad for no reason. 
  3. Even if things don’t work out, if you approach despite your anx­i­ety, then your com­fort zone will expand, mak­ing you a more attrac­tive man afterwards.

It’s much bet­ter to take action and risk look­ing like an idiot with a chance of get­ting the girl, than not to take action and to kick your­self for being an idiot with no chance of get­ting the girl. 

Irrel­e­vant of her response, the out­come of an approach is always bet­ter than not approach­ing and regret­ting it.

Approach Boldly From the Front

Ide­ally you want to approach her head on so she can see you com­ing. If you can, inter­cept her path before she sees you, so when she notices you, you are already in front of her and walk­ing a straight line towards her until you’re stand­ing right in front of her.  

Women find it very unset­tling when approached from behind and the last thing you want to do is star­tle her by pop­ping out of nowhere. If you are behind her, then approach her from the side, but make sure that you give her plenty of space and try to get as far in front of her as pos­si­ble so she can see you and doesn’t feel threatened.   

You should look a woman straight into her eyes as soon as you see her, then hold her gaze all the way as you walk up to approach her. As you walk up, smile a com­fort­able smile to reas­sure her that you’re a nice, friendly person.

If she breaks eye con­tact, avoids it, or fails to give you a sec­ond glance, don’t inter­pret this as rejec­tion and aban­don the approach as many guys do. Keep in mind that 70–80% of the women you approach should give you a either a neu­tral or pos­i­tive response, so don’t self-sabotage your approach.

Get Her Full Attention

You need to get a woman’s full atten­tion before deliv­er­ing your opener, so make sure that you have eye con­tact with her and that she has stopped what­ever she was doing.  

This means phys­i­cally stop­ping her if she is on her way some­where. So if she was walk­ing, stop at least two meters in front of her before rais­ing your hands in a stop ges­ture. This will give her the space she needs to come to a standstill.

It won’t do your self-esteem any good to be shout­ing com­pli­ments at a woman from behind her back as she’s walk­ing past you. 

If she looks pre­oc­cu­pied with some­thing, don’t be afraid to inter­rupt her because this instantly com­mu­ni­cates mas­cu­line dom­i­nance. It’s no excuse to aban­don the approach just because she’s tex­ting some­one on her phone, work­ing on her com­puter or even lis­ten­ing to music. 

Tell Her the Real Rea­son for Your Approach

Once you have her full atten­tion, then pay her a com­pli­ment and let her know your inten­tions. Yes, this means telling her the real rea­son you approached her, with­out apol­o­giz­ing or down­play­ing your interest.

Here are some exam­ple openers:

  • Hey, I think you’re cute and I had to come over and meet you.
  • Hey, I couldn’t help notic­ing how beau­ti­ful you are, so I came over to find out if you’re friendly too.
  • Lis­ten, I only have a few min­utes, but I knew that if I didn’t come over and chat with you, I’d regret it for the rest of the day.

Deliver your opener loudly and clearly. Remem­ber to smile, main­tain eye con­tact and stand tall. Every­one admires audac­ity, and women absolutely love it when you mix it with charm and direct it towards them. 

You’re prob­a­bly think­ing, “That’s crazy! I’m far too shy to do that.” But you can do it, and if you’re shy that’s all the more rea­son to do it because you’ll instantly come across as ballsy and confident. 

Hey, I’m in a hurry…

Don’t for­get to use the pre-opener “Hey,” fol­lowed by a pause before deliv­er­ing your opener. This is impor­tant because it helps to ensure that she hears what you have to say. You can also say “Excuse me,” but avoid apol­o­giz­ing by say­ing some­thing like, “I’m sorry to bother you.”

Also, in the last exam­ple notice the use of a false time con­straint, “I only have a few min­utes” or you could say some­thing like “I’m in a hurry, so I can’t talk for long.” This can help to put a girl at ease, let­ting her know that you won’t nec­es­sar­ily be tak­ing up much of her time. If she is enjoy­ing the con­ver­sa­tion, she’ll for­get about the time constraint. 

Direct game is so pow­er­ful because so few guys have the courage to be upfront with women about their desire. She’ll admire your hon­esty and you’ll imme­di­ately set your­self apart from other guys. 

Attract beau­ti­ful girls with­out phony rou­tines,
cheesy pick up lines or hav­ing to fake it!
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Intro­duce Your­self and Ini­ti­ate Conversation

If you’ve deliv­ered your opener smoothly and with con­fi­dence, her face will light up and she’ll be flat­tered, per­haps even blown away. Remem­ber that your approach will be unex­pected for her, so it’s nor­mal if she doesn’t know what to say at first. 

Since you haven’t asked her a ques­tion, the ball is still in your court and you should con­tinue to lead the inter­ac­tion by intro­duc­ing your­self. Extend your hand con­fi­dently to shake hers as you intro­duce your­self, “Hi, I’m Tyler.” Make an effort to remem­ber her name and use it dur­ing your con­ver­sa­tion. Women love a man with good lis­ten­ing skills so this never fails to make a great impression.

After intro­duc­ing your­self, try to tran­si­tion into nor­mal con­ver­sa­tion with the goal of mak­ing her feel com­fort­able and build­ing rap­port. For exam­ple you could say the fol­low­ing with a smile, “I lit­er­ally aban­doned my buddy to come over and chat with you, so if I lose him it’ll be your fault.”

Women will react dif­fer­ently to your approach, but as long as she stays where she is, it’s a good sign and if she is smil­ing, then she is obvi­ously happy that you approached her.

A lot of shy guys are con­cerned about mak­ing a nui­sance of them­selves because they assume that women don’t want to be approached, when in fact the oppo­site is true. Women invest a lot of time and energy look­ing after their appear­ance because there is noth­ing more excit­ing to a woman than a man’s gen­uine desire for her. 

Your Mind­set Matters!

One of the main rea­sons why guys get so ner­vous about approach­ing women is because their mind­set is too out­come depen­dent. If they don’t get a girl’s num­ber or suc­cess­fully arrange a date, they inter­pret the approach as a failure.

A sim­ple change in mind­set can help you to reduce the stakes and become more relaxed and con­fi­dent. The next time you approach a girl, approach with the sim­ple goal of mak­ing her smile or feel good about herself.

Reduc­ing the stakes and chang­ing your focus from you to her will help you to have more nat­ural and relaxed con­ver­sa­tions. This in turn will increase the like­li­hood of girls want­ing to give you their num­ber and go out on a date with you. 

Another prob­lem com­mon among shy guys is a ten­dency to sell them­selves short. Remem­ber that you’re a unique and inter­est­ing guy with a lot to offer. Instead of approach­ing think­ing, “I really hope she likes me” give your­self the value you deserve by think­ing, “I won­der if she’s worth get­ting to know better.”

This sim­ple mind­set shift of see­ing your­self as the selec­tor can have a pro­found effect on your con­fi­dence lev­els because it means that she needs to meet your stan­dards, and not just the other way around. Here’s an opti­mal approach mind­set for max­i­miz­ing your suc­cess with women:

Hey, I just want to have an inno­cent lit­tle chat and give you the oppor­tu­nity to find out a few cool and inter­est­ing things about me. If I still find you inter­est­ing at the end of our chat, I might choose to give you the chance to get to know me bet­ter another time. If you don’t take advan­tage of that, it’s your loss. There lots of other girls out there, I haven’t spo­ken to yet.

Resist Eject­ing From the Con­ver­sa­tion Too Early

When first start­ing out, your con­ver­sa­tions will prob­a­bly be short. When you encounter an awk­ward silence where you’re not sure what to say, you’ll prob­a­bly get ner­vous and be tempted to end the conversation. This is a nat­ural reac­tion, but try to resist it. 

The more pre­oc­cu­pied you are try­ing to keep the con­ver­sa­tion going, the more likely it is to stall. It takes prac­tice to think on your feet so don’t put too much pres­sure on yourself. I’m sure you’ve noticed how much eas­ier it is to think of witty things to say afterward. 

Eject­ing too early means self-sabotaging your approach. Stay in the con­ver­sa­tion until she excuses her­self, or you feel con­fi­dent enough to get her con­tact details. Remember that it’s just nor­mal con­ver­sa­tion and the most impor­tant thing is to lis­ten to her responses, so you can build on them.

Also prac­tice cold reading, where you make assump­tions or edu­cated guesses about what she does, where she’s from or about her inter­ests instead of ask­ing her directly. This helps to add an ele­ment of fun to con­ver­sa­tions that might oth­er­wise sound like a game of 20 questions. 

For detailed tips on improv­ing your con­ver­sa­tion skills check out these posts about talk­ing and flirt­ing with girls:

How to Get Her Number

Keep talk­ing to her until you notice that she is com­fort­able enough to be smil­ing, main­tain­ing eye con­tact, and ask­ing you ques­tions about your­self. Ques­tions like “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?” are a great sign and mark what’s called the hook point where you know that she is inter­ested in you. 

Now you have two options:

  • Either you take her phone num­ber with the inten­tion of set­ting up a date.
  • Or you invite her on a spon­ta­neous date. If she can’t join you right away, then take her number.  

The best way to get a girl’s num­ber is not to ask for it. What I mean is that she is much more likely to give you her num­ber if you tell her to put her num­ber in your phone when your phone is already in her hand, than if you were to ask her if you could have her number.

To pull this off, just pull out your phone while she’s talk­ing and open it to the “new con­tact” screen, then extend your hand to give her your phone with­out say­ing any­thing. She’ll instinc­tively take the phone from your hand. 

Only when she has the phone in her hand, tell her some­thing like, “Hey, I need to get going, but I enjoyed talk­ing to you. Put your num­ber in my phone so we can meet up for a drink some­time in the next few weeks.”

She is more likely to give you her num­ber if you give her a rea­son to. For exam­ple “Put your num­ber in my phone, so we can meet for a cof­fee sometime.” Also by mak­ing your inten­tions clear from the start, she’ll be less likely to flake out on you later. 

Shy guys often freeze up when it comes to ask­ing a girl for her phone num­ber, but it doesn’t have to to be com­pli­cated. Get­ting a girl’s num­ber can be as sim­ple as, “Hey, I enjoyed our con­ver­sa­tion and would love to see your again. What’s the best way to keep in touch?”

For more inspi­ra­tion, check out these related posts:

Don’t Over­stay Your Welcome

After she’s given you her phone num­ber, don’t make the mis­take of end­ing the con­ver­sa­tion too abruptly. Keep the con­ver­sa­tion going for a minute or two to show her that you’re gen­uinely inter­ested in her as a per­son and not just in get­ting her number. 

Then tell her that you enjoyed meet­ing her, but you have to get going. It leaves a much more pow­er­ful impres­sion when you’re the one to end the con­ver­sa­tion because it demon­strates con­fi­dence and non-neediness. 

Con­grat­u­la­tions!

An attrac­tive girl has given you her num­ber and is look­ing for­ward to you get­ting in touch and arrang­ing a date! Direct game really can be this sim­ple. So don’t over-engineer your approach, or you’ll just make your­self ner­vous and less likely to take action. 

Try­ing to mem­o­rize hun­dreds of cheesy pick up lines or phoney rou­tines is coun­ter­pro­duc­tive. Sure once you get con­fi­dent approach­ing girls, then feel free to get fancy. Until then, wor­ship the 3 sec­ond rule and be upfront about your desires and you’ll be amazed at your results. Now the only thing left to do is to get out there and take action! 

Desire is the start­ing point of all achieve­ment, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pul­sat­ing desire which tran­scends every­thing. — Napoleon Hill 


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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

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