Dating advice is helpful, but information overload can be counterproductive. Contradictory information results in confusion and too much information causes “analysis paralysis” and inaction.
But meeting girls doesn’t have to be complicated, so follow the KISS principle and Keep It Simple, Stupid.
The two schools of seduction can be categorized into direct game and indirect game. Direct game takes guts, but it’s the simpler and more effective of the two. So, let’s look now at how to master the direct approach.
The Advantages of the Direct Approach
Direct game means being honest and upfront about your interest in a woman. Of course it takes guts to approach a woman directly, letting her know that you think she’s beautiful and that you’re interested in her, but it has two very important advantages:
- Approaching a girl with your true intentions rather than using an excuse (like asking for directions, advice or an opinion) instantly proves to her that you’re a confident and masculine man, which is very attractive to women.
- Direct game saves you time and energy because you find out very quickly if she’s available or not. There is no point wasting time chasing after women who are either not interested or who are already spoken for.
Women appreciate a man who has the confidence to be honest about his intentions, so don’t beat about the bush or make excuses for yourself. The reason you’re approaching her is because she’s attractive and you want to meet her. It’s as simple as that!
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Worship the 3 Second Rule
When you see a girl you like, worship the “3 Second Rule.” This means approaching her within three seconds of seeing her, so you don’t lose the moment. Occasionally you can admire her for a short time, but only if it’s to make sure that you’re really attracted to her.
Don’t delay the approach unnecessarily or give yourself time to talk yourself out of it. It’s amazing how quickly your mind will come up with excuses not to approach. If you linger and hover around her, it’s guaranteed to make the approach feel awkward and forced. If you start to feel nervous, then remember these three things:
- The feeling in your body means that you’re about to do something that requires confidence, and that is what women want.
- If you are already feeling uncomfortable, you might as well approach her, otherwise you would have felt bad for no reason.
- Even if things don’t work out, if you approach despite your anxiety, then your comfort zone will expand, making you a more attractive man afterwards.
It’s much better to take action and risk looking like an idiot with a chance of getting the girl, than not to take action and to kick yourself for being an idiot with no chance of getting the girl.
Irrelevant of her response, the outcome of an approach is always better than not approaching and regretting it.
Approach Boldly From the Front
Ideally you want to approach her head on so she can see you coming. If you can, intercept her path before she sees you, so when she notices you, you are already in front of her and walking a straight line towards her until you’re standing right in front of her.
Women find it very unsettling when approached from behind and the last thing you want to do is startle her by popping out of nowhere. If you are behind her, then approach her from the side, but make sure that you give her plenty of space and try to get as far in front of her as possible so she can see you and doesn’t feel threatened.
You should look a woman straight into her eyes as soon as you see her, then hold her gaze all the way as you walk up to approach her. As you walk up, smile a comfortable smile to reassure her that you’re a nice, friendly person.
If she breaks eye contact, avoids it, or fails to give you a second glance, don’t interpret this as rejection and abandon the approach as many guys do. Keep in mind that 70–80% of the women you approach should give you a either a neutral or positive response, so don’t self-sabotage your approach.
Get Her Full Attention
You need to get a woman’s full attention before delivering your opener, so make sure that you have eye contact with her and that she has stopped whatever she was doing.
This means physically stopping her if she is on her way somewhere. So if she was walking, stop at least two meters in front of her before raising your hands in a stop gesture. This will give her the space she needs to come to a standstill.
It won’t do your self-esteem any good to be shouting compliments at a woman from behind her back as she’s walking past you.
If she looks preoccupied with something, don’t be afraid to interrupt her because this instantly communicates masculine dominance. It’s no excuse to abandon the approach just because she’s texting someone on her phone, working on her computer or even listening to music.
Tell Her the Real Reason for Your Approach
Once you have her full attention, then pay her a compliment and let her know your intentions. Yes, this means telling her the real reason you approached her, without apologizing or downplaying your interest.
Here are some example openers:
- Hey, I think you’re cute and I had to come over and meet you.
- Hey, I couldn’t help noticing how beautiful you are, so I came over to find out if you’re friendly too.
- Listen, I only have a few minutes, but I knew that if I didn’t come over and chat with you, I’d regret it for the rest of the day.
Deliver your opener loudly and clearly. Remember to smile, maintain eye contact and stand tall. Everyone admires audacity, and women absolutely love it when you mix it with charm and direct it towards them.
You’re probably thinking, “That’s crazy! I’m far too shy to do that.” But you can do it, and if you’re shy that’s all the more reason to do it because you’ll instantly come across as ballsy and confident.
Hey, I’m in a hurry…
Don’t forget to use the pre-opener “Hey,” followed by a pause before delivering your opener. This is important because it helps to ensure that she hears what you have to say. You can also say “Excuse me,” but avoid apologizing by saying something like, “I’m sorry to bother you.”
Also, in the last example notice the use of a false time constraint, “I only have a few minutes” or you could say something like “I’m in a hurry, so I can’t talk for long.” This can help to put a girl at ease, letting her know that you won’t necessarily be taking up much of her time. If she is enjoying the conversation, she’ll forget about the time constraint.
Direct game is so powerful because so few guys have the courage to be upfront with women about their desire. She’ll admire your honesty and you’ll immediately set yourself apart from other guys.
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Introduce Yourself and Initiate Conversation
If you’ve delivered your opener smoothly and with confidence, her face will light up and she’ll be flattered, perhaps even blown away. Remember that your approach will be unexpected for her, so it’s normal if she doesn’t know what to say at first.
Since you haven’t asked her a question, the ball is still in your court and you should continue to lead the interaction by introducing yourself. Extend your hand confidently to shake hers as you introduce yourself, “Hi, I’m Tyler.” Make an effort to remember her name and use it during your conversation. Women love a man with good listening skills so this never fails to make a great impression.
After introducing yourself, try to transition into normal conversation with the goal of making her feel comfortable and building rapport. For example you could say the following with a smile, “I literally abandoned my buddy to come over and chat with you, so if I lose him it’ll be your fault.”
Women will react differently to your approach, but as long as she stays where she is, it’s a good sign and if she is smiling, then she is obviously happy that you approached her.
A lot of shy guys are concerned about making a nuisance of themselves because they assume that women don’t want to be approached, when in fact the opposite is true. Women invest a lot of time and energy looking after their appearance because there is nothing more exciting to a woman than a man’s genuine desire for her.
Your Mindset Matters!
One of the main reasons why guys get so nervous about approaching women is because their mindset is too outcome dependent. If they don’t get a girl’s number or successfully arrange a date, they interpret the approach as a failure.
A simple change in mindset can help you to reduce the stakes and become more relaxed and confident. The next time you approach a girl, approach with the simple goal of making her smile or feel good about herself.
Reducing the stakes and changing your focus from you to her will help you to have more natural and relaxed conversations. This in turn will increase the likelihood of girls wanting to give you their number and go out on a date with you.
Another problem common among shy guys is a tendency to sell themselves short. Remember that you’re a unique and interesting guy with a lot to offer. Instead of approaching thinking, “I really hope she likes me” give yourself the value you deserve by thinking, “I wonder if she’s worth getting to know better.”
This simple mindset shift of seeing yourself as the selector can have a profound effect on your confidence levels because it means that she needs to meet your standards, and not just the other way around. Here’s an optimal approach mindset for maximizing your success with women:
Hey, I just want to have an innocent little chat and give you the opportunity to find out a few cool and interesting things about me. If I still find you interesting at the end of our chat, I might choose to give you the chance to get to know me better another time. If you don’t take advantage of that, it’s your loss. There lots of other girls out there, I haven’t spoken to yet.
Resist Ejecting From the Conversation Too Early
When first starting out, your conversations will probably be short. When you encounter an awkward silence where you’re not sure what to say, you’ll probably get nervous and be tempted to end the conversation. This is a natural reaction, but try to resist it.
The more preoccupied you are trying to keep the conversation going, the more likely it is to stall. It takes practice to think on your feet so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I’m sure you’ve noticed how much easier it is to think of witty things to say afterward.
Ejecting too early means self-sabotaging your approach. Stay in the conversation until she excuses herself, or you feel confident enough to get her contact details. Remember that it’s just normal conversation and the most important thing is to listen to her responses, so you can build on them.
Also practice cold reading, where you make assumptions or educated guesses about what she does, where she’s from or about her interests instead of asking her directly. This helps to add an element of fun to conversations that might otherwise sound like a game of 20 questions.
For detailed tips on improving your conversation skills check out these posts about talking and flirting with girls:
- How to Talk to a Girl You Like
- How to Make Conversation With a Girl
- How to Keep a Conversation Going
- Powerful Flirting Tips for Guys
How to Get Her Number
Keep talking to her until you notice that she is comfortable enough to be smiling, maintaining eye contact, and asking you questions about yourself. Questions like “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?” are a great sign and mark what’s called the hook point where you know that she is interested in you.
Now you have two options:
- Either you take her phone number with the intention of setting up a date.
- Or you invite her on a spontaneous date. If she can’t join you right away, then take her number.
The best way to get a girl’s number is not to ask for it. What I mean is that she is much more likely to give you her number if you tell her to put her number in your phone when your phone is already in her hand, than if you were to ask her if you could have her number.
To pull this off, just pull out your phone while she’s talking and open it to the “new contact” screen, then extend your hand to give her your phone without saying anything. She’ll instinctively take the phone from your hand.
Only when she has the phone in her hand, tell her something like, “Hey, I need to get going, but I enjoyed talking to you. Put your number in my phone so we can meet up for a drink sometime in the next few weeks.”
She is more likely to give you her number if you give her a reason to. For example “Put your number in my phone, so we can meet for a coffee sometime.” Also by making your intentions clear from the start, she’ll be less likely to flake out on you later.
Shy guys often freeze up when it comes to asking a girl for her phone number, but it doesn’t have to to be complicated. Getting a girl’s number can be as simple as, “Hey, I enjoyed our conversation and would love to see your again. What’s the best way to keep in touch?”
For more inspiration, check out these related posts:
Don’t Overstay Your Welcome
After she’s given you her phone number, don’t make the mistake of ending the conversation too abruptly. Keep the conversation going for a minute or two to show her that you’re genuinely interested in her as a person and not just in getting her number.
Then tell her that you enjoyed meeting her, but you have to get going. It leaves a much more powerful impression when you’re the one to end the conversation because it demonstrates confidence and non-neediness.
An attractive girl has given you her number and is looking forward to you getting in touch and arranging a date! Direct game really can be this simple. So don’t over-engineer your approach, or you’ll just make yourself nervous and less likely to take action.
Trying to memorize hundreds of cheesy pick up lines or phoney routines is counterproductive. Sure once you get confident approaching girls, then feel free to get fancy. Until then, worship the 3 second rule and be upfront about your desires and you’ll be amazed at your results. Now the only thing left to do is to get out there and take action!
Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything. — Napoleon Hill
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