How to Start a Conversation with a Girl You Like

How to start a conversation with a girl

Easy ways to start a con­ver­sa­tion with a girl you like

Do you ever feel that you’re miss­ing out on amaz­ing inter­ac­tions with women sim­ply because you’re not sure about the best way to break the ice and start a conversation?

In this post, we’ll explore a few ways to strike up con­ver­sa­tion with a girl with­out being shut down cold.

These tech­niques work if there is already a girl you like who you want to start a con­ver­sa­tion with, but they work just as well for cold approaches on girls you meet at bars, cof­fee shops and while out shopping.

Start a Con­ver­sa­tion by Ask­ing for Advice

Napoleon Hill once said that opin­ions are the cheap­est com­modi­ties on earth. Peo­ple love to give opin­ions. (Often even when you don’t ask for them.) Why is this? It comes down to the basic human desire to be valued.

The mere act of ask­ing some­one their opin­ion sub-communicates that you value them as a per­son. And when you lis­ten to a person’s opin­ion or advice, you’re essen­tially val­i­dat­ing them as a person.

So how do you think she’ll react when you start a con­ver­sa­tion by ask­ing for advice? You can bet that she’ll be will­ing to offer plenty of  it, per­haps even more than you bar­gained for.

Here are three things that you can ask advice about that are sure to get women talking:

  • Fash­ion
  • Rela­tion­ships
  • Pop cul­ture top­ics (opin­ions about movies, music, actors etc)

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Which shirt looks bet­ter on me? 

Here are a few sim­ple fash­ion related exam­ples to use in the cloth­ing store:

There are no sales­peo­ple around. If you tell me which of these shirts look bet­ter on me, I’ll give you the sales com­mis­sion instead of the staff.

I’m slightly color blind. What do you think of this shirt with the pants I’m wearing?

What do you think of piercings? 

Here’s another fash­ion related exam­ple that you could in a bar or club:

Hey girls, what do you think of pierc­ings? My ex-girlfriend was a bit of a rocker chick, and she always used to say, “You should get a piec­ing here.” (Pinch your eye­brow to show where it would go.) I’m not going out with her any­more, but I’m still kind of con­sid­er­ing it. Do you think pierc­ings are sexy?

How soon is too soon to get engaged?

In his book The Nat­ural, Richard La Ruina gives a great exam­ple of how you might start a con­ver­sa­tion with girls by ask­ing for rela­tion­ship advice. This is a fun exam­ple because it leads straight into rela­tion­ship talk and has a lot of drama built in.

You look like you can help me with some­thing. My friend needs my advice. He’s known his girl­friend for three months, and he’s going to ask her to marry him tomor­row. He says he wants my advice but, I think he’s already made up his mind.

I think it’s too soon, but if I tell him that he might never talk to me again. On the other hand, if I say it’s a good idea and it doesn’t work out, I’ll feel respon­si­ble. So what do you guys think, how soon is too soon to get engaged?

Are these instruc­tion man­u­als on how to con­trol men? 

Here’s a fun one to use the next time you’re in a book­shop near the women’s mag­a­zine section:

Wow, there are so many women’s mag­a­zines! I think they are instruc­tion man­u­als on how women can con­trol men, what do you think?

The next time you go out, even if it’s just to the local shop­ping mall, find a way to ask someone’s advice or opin­ion. Use this tech­nique to break the ice and start con­ver­sa­tions with girls you like and prac­tice your con­ver­sa­tion skills.

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Talk About Some­thing “Personal”

Most women have their guard up when it comes to talk­ing about per­sonal things with men. But you can eas­ily get past this by talk­ing about some­thing semi-personal. For exam­ple, once you’ve asked for a woman’s opin­ion or advice on some­thing, you’ll have a good idea of the kind of per­son she is.

Why is this? Well, opin­ions and advice are very per­sonal because they are based on a person’s per­cep­tions of things.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
— Dr. Steven Covey

In other words, our opin­ions and per­cep­tions of things are based on our inner beliefs. So by start­ing a con­ver­sa­tion with a girl by ask­ing for advice, you’re ask­ing her some­thing “per­sonal” with­out her even real­iz­ing it.

Most peo­ple aren’t self-aware enough to real­ize that their per­cep­tion of things tells you as much about them as it does about the thing they’re describ­ing. So once you’ve asked for a woman’s advice or opin­ion, the nat­ural next step would be to ask her why she feels that way.

This allows you to sneak past a woman’s defenses because it cre­ates the illu­sion that you’re still talk­ing about some­thing imper­sonal. You’d be amazed at what you can learn about a girl just by doing this. By far, the most telling descrip­tions that peo­ple give of them­selves come through their descrip­tions of how they per­ceive the world.

Here’s a fun tech­nique for putting this prin­ci­ple to work in your con­ver­sa­tions with women:

Pick a pop­u­lar movie and ask her which char­ac­ter she would be if she were in the movie. This also works for TV show char­ac­ters, sports heroes, car­toon char­ac­ters, ani­mals or his­tor­i­cal fig­ures. By telling you which of these things a woman per­ceives her­self as, you can get  her to tell you things about her­self that she’d prob­a­bly never reveal directly.

Clos­ing Thoughts

I hope you found this post help­ful and you’re feel­ing bet­ter pre­pared to start con­ver­sa­tions with girls you like. On the site you’ll find many other tech­niques for strik­ing up con­ver­sa­tions with women, includ­ing this arti­cle about funny con­ver­sa­tion starters that you might want to take a look at.


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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

Comments

  1. Tyler, your site is really great, I truly think it’s some of the best advice I’ve seen. Con­ver­sa­tion tips are exactly what I need, I never know what to say to a hot woman! I’m a 40 year old shy guy and I really hope to break out of a bad drought. Thank you!

    • Great to hear that the site is prov­ing help­ful Eric. Funny how our minds sud­denly go blank when faced with mak­ing con­ver­sa­tion with attrac­tive women. Thanks for leav­ing a com­ment, it’s always appre­ci­ated. Keep me posted on your progress.
      Tyler

  2. great site! I need know if I am in love with this I girl that I like very much. I don’t know if I a crush on her or I am really in love. For one thing I can’t stop think­ing about her and I want to give her every­thing she wants. Answer please!

    • Hi Scott, thanks for your com­ment. If you’re truly in love, then you must have had enough time to real­ize that the object of your desires isn’t per­fect. In the begin­ning of rela­tion­ships it’s com­mon to feel infat­u­ated by a per­son. Being in love means accept­ing her imper­fec­tions and embrac­ing her quirks.

      If you’re really in love, you should feel com­fort­able enough to share your feel­ings openly. You should feel like you don’t have to be some­one else around her. You can be free to be goofy and silly with each other at times and you should laugh a lot together.

      You should value her opin­ions on things and want to involve her in the big deci­sions in your life. When you think ahead, you’ll think of “we” instead of “I” because you don’t want to imag­ine your future with­out her in your life.

      If you’re always won­der­ing what she is up to when you’re not around, and you find your­self day­dream­ing about her going through her day, then you may be in love.

      I hope that helps!
      Tyler

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