Do you ever feel that you’re missing out on amazing interactions with women simply because you’re not sure about the best way to break the ice and start a conversation?
In this post, we’ll explore a few ways to strike up conversation with a girl without being shut down cold.
These techniques work if there is already a girl you like who you want to start a conversation with, but they work just as well for cold approaches on girls you meet at bars, coffee shops and while out shopping.
Start a Conversation by Asking for Advice
Napoleon Hill once said that opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth. People love to give opinions. (Often even when you don’t ask for them.) Why is this? It comes down to the basic human desire to be valued.
The mere act of asking someone their opinion sub-communicates that you value them as a person. And when you listen to a person’s opinion or advice, you’re essentially validating them as a person.
So how do you think she’ll react when you start a conversation by asking for advice? You can bet that she’ll be willing to offer plenty of it, perhaps even more than you bargained for.
Here are three things that you can ask advice about that are sure to get women talking:
- Pop culture topics (opinions about movies, music, actors etc)
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Which shirt looks better on me?
Here are a few simple fashion related examples to use in the clothing store:
There are no salespeople around. If you tell me which of these shirts look better on me, I’ll give you the sales commission instead of the staff.
I’m slightly color blind. What do you think of this shirt with the pants I’m wearing?
What do you think of piercings?
Here’s another fashion related example that you could in a bar or club:
Hey girls, what do you think of piercings? My ex-girlfriend was a bit of a rocker chick, and she always used to say, “You should get a piecing here.” (Pinch your eyebrow to show where it would go.) I’m not going out with her anymore, but I’m still kind of considering it. Do you think piercings are sexy?
How soon is too soon to get engaged?
In his book The Natural, Richard La Ruina gives a great example of how you might start a conversation with girls by asking for relationship advice. This is a fun example because it leads straight into relationship talk and has a lot of drama built in.
You look like you can help me with something. My friend needs my advice. He’s known his girlfriend for three months, and he’s going to ask her to marry him tomorrow. He says he wants my advice but, I think he’s already made up his mind.
I think it’s too soon, but if I tell him that he might never talk to me again. On the other hand, if I say it’s a good idea and it doesn’t work out, I’ll feel responsible. So what do you guys think, how soon is too soon to get engaged?
Are these instruction manuals on how to control men?
Here’s a fun one to use the next time you’re in a bookshop near the women’s magazine section:
Wow, there are so many women’s magazines! I think they are instruction manuals on how women can control men, what do you think?
The next time you go out, even if it’s just to the local shopping mall, find a way to ask someone’s advice or opinion. Use this technique to break the ice and start conversations with girls you like and practice your conversation skills.
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Talk About Something “Personal”
Most women have their guard up when it comes to talking about personal things with men. But you can easily get past this by talking about something semi-personal. For example, once you’ve asked for a woman’s opinion or advice on something, you’ll have a good idea of the kind of person she is.
Why is this? Well, opinions and advice are very personal because they are based on a person’s perceptions of things.
We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
— Dr. Steven Covey
In other words, our opinions and perceptions of things are based on our inner beliefs. So by starting a conversation with a girl by asking for advice, you’re asking her something “personal” without her even realizing it.
Most people aren’t self-aware enough to realize that their perception of things tells you as much about them as it does about the thing they’re describing. So once you’ve asked for a woman’s advice or opinion, the natural next step would be to ask her why she feels that way.
This allows you to sneak past a woman’s defenses because it creates the illusion that you’re still talking about something impersonal. You’d be amazed at what you can learn about a girl just by doing this. By far, the most telling descriptions that people give of themselves come through their descriptions of how they perceive the world.
Here’s a fun technique for putting this principle to work in your conversations with women:
Pick a popular movie and ask her which character she would be if she were in the movie. This also works for TV show characters, sports heroes, cartoon characters, animals or historical figures. By telling you which of these things a woman perceives herself as, you can get her to tell you things about herself that she’d probably never reveal directly.
I hope you found this post helpful and you’re feeling better prepared to start conversations with girls you like. On the site you’ll find many other techniques for striking up conversations with women, including this article about funny conversation starters that you might want to take a look at.
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