Flirting Body Language Tips

How to use your body lan­guage to flirt

Beau­ti­ful women are experts at inter­pret­ing a man’s body lan­guage, so it pays to avoid send­ing mixed sig­nals with your flirt­ing body language.

If you’re like most men, you prob­a­bly spend more time wor­ry­ing about what to say to a woman rather than the deliv­ery of the non-verbal com­mu­ni­ca­tion you make. Your body lan­guage, appear­ance and tone of voice form over 90% of a first impression. Only 7% of com­mu­ni­ca­tion has to do with the actual words we say!

The Impor­tance of Body Language

Accord­ing to a pop­u­lar study, here is a break­down of the impor­tance of indi­vid­ual aspects of com­mu­ni­ca­tion when it comes to flirt­ing and mak­ing a great first impression:

  • The words you use account for only 7%
  • Your tonal­ity, which includes the mod­u­la­tion, qual­ity and sound of your voice account for 38%
  • Your body lan­guage and appear­ance account for 55%
    • 40% is attrib­ut­able to facial lan­guage, head nods, tilts, changes in expres­sion, smil­ing, eye con­tact etc.
    • 15% is your gen­eral body lan­guage and appearance.

Not only do you have to give off the right sig­nals — such as good eye con­tact, pos­ture and prox­im­ity, smil­ing and so on to cre­ate a great impres­sion —  you also have to be able to read and inter­pret body lan­guage sig­nals from women. (See this related arti­cle to learn how to read a woman’s flirt­ing body lan­guage to tell if a girl likes you.)

What Does Your Body Lan­guage Say About You?

It’s cru­cial to become more attune to what you com­mu­ni­cate with your body lan­guage. In gen­eral, peo­ple are sur­pris­ingly unaware of their body lan­guage and the way it’s inter­preted by oth­ers. Con­sid­er­ing that it can take 21 meet­ings to change someone’s first impres­sion of you, it shows just how impor­tant it is to have con­fi­dent body lan­guage so you can cre­ate a good first impression.   

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To improve your body lan­guage aware­ness, start by notic­ing what you’re doing with your hands the next time you’re in a group set­ting. Could your body lan­guage be inter­preted as closed or ner­vous? Are your arms folded or are your hands buried deep in your pock­ets? Do you reg­u­larly rub the back of your neck, fid­get with some­thing in your hand, or keep check­ing your phone because you feel uncom­fort­able sit­ting or stand­ing still?

If you do, it’s unlikely that women will give you the ben­e­fit of the doubt by think­ing that you’re just a lit­tle ner­vous. Instead, your body lan­guage will be inter­preted as dis­in­ter­est, or even worse, inse­cu­rity. When you con­sider that con­fi­dence is one of the most val­ued traits that women are look­ing for in a man, this presents a real prob­lem for your dat­ing life. 

Flirt­ing Body Lan­guage is All About “Presence”

When it comes to flirt­ing body lan­guage obvi­ously all the basic body lan­guage tips still apply like stand­ing with your shoul­ders back and head held high, keep­ing your move­ments relaxed and delib­er­ate, not being afraid to ges­ture and take up space with a wide con­fi­dent stance etc.

In addi­tion you need to con­sider how you posi­tion your­self in rela­tion to the women you’re flirt­ing with and, above all, demon­strate to her that she has your undi­vided atten­tion. Women want to know that you are “there” with them and are very sen­si­tive to body lan­guage sig­nals that indi­cate your “pres­ence” in the moment. 

For a lot of guys “pres­ence” is an elu­sive con­cept and some­thing they don’t pay much atten­tion to, but it’s extremely impor­tant to women. We all know what it’s like to be in someone’s com­pany who is “emo­tion­ally absent.” Their with­drawn body lan­guage quickly tells us that they have other things on their mind and are not present in the here and now. 

Women are more intu­itive than we are when it comes to read­ing body lan­guage sig­nals and are par­tic­u­larly sen­si­tive to whether a man is “present” in the moment, or else­where. It’s very dif­fi­cult to make a woman feel attrac­tion for you if you are not able to con­vince her that she has your undi­vided attention. 

Pres­ence is not some­thing you can fake. You have to learn to actu­ally be in the moment with her. Here are some body lan­guage signs that sig­nal to a women that you are present with her: 

Strong Eye Contact

Look her in the eye and hold eye con­tact. Remem­ber it’s not a stare down. Your goal should be soft, nat­ural eye con­tact. What­ever you do, avoid look­ing down at her breasts or check­ing out other girls while the two of you are talking.  

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Lis­ten Attentively 

We’ve all heard it repeated so often but still guys have a hard time lis­ten­ing to what she has to say. Some guys have a habit of just wait­ing for their turn to talk, but shy guys who are ner­vous or don’t have the best con­ver­sa­tion skills tend to use the time while the girl is talk­ing to think about what to say next. 

The irony is that if you were to lis­ten and be in the moment with her, you’d have a much eas­ier time of keep­ing the con­ver­sa­tion going and mak­ing more nat­ural and engag­ing con­ver­sa­tion by respond­ing to the things that she says. When you’re not really lis­ten­ing it really shows in your body lan­guage and she will notice, even if she pre­tends not to. 

Gen­tle Phys­i­cal Touches

Touch­ing a woman com­mu­ni­cates to her that you are con­fi­dent and feel com­fort­able with her. It’s no secret that women are attracted to con­fi­dent men, so you need to learn how to touch women in a nat­ural and non-threatening way in order to build attraction.  

A very nat­ural way to touch a girl is to touch the out­side of her arm with the inside of your hand. A good time to do this is when you’re shar­ing a joke about some­thing or when you sud­denly remem­ber some­thing that you wanted to tell her. Another very mas­cu­line and charm­ing way of touch­ing a women is to put your hand in the small of her back to guide her some­where. For exam­ple when you’re leav­ing one loca­tion to go another together.   

I know that shy guys tend to over think things and have a very hard time touch­ing girls even in a very harm­less way. The trick is not to wait until the per­fect time to touch her. It’s best to touch early on so you don’t get­ting so stressed out about it that you aren’t able to con­cen­trate on the conversation. 

If you’re ner­vous about reach­ing out and touch­ing her, start by pick­ing up one of her pos­ses­sions, like her cell­phone or sun­glasses to have a look at. Or if you have a lit­tle more courage, com­ment on a piece of her jew­elry like a ring or her watch and take her hand lightly in yours as you have a closer look. 

There are a lot of very inno­cent and harm­less ways to touch a girl and once she get’s used to being touched by you, your touches can get longer and more intimate.


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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

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