Beautiful women are experts at interpreting a man’s body language, so it pays to avoid sending mixed signals with your flirting body language.
If you’re like most men, you probably spend more time worrying about what to say to a woman rather than the delivery of the non-verbal communication you make. Your body language, appearance and tone of voice form over 90% of a first impression. Only 7% of communication has to do with the actual words we say!
The Importance of Body Language
According to a popular study, here is a breakdown of the importance of individual aspects of communication when it comes to flirting and making a great first impression:
- The words you use account for only 7%
- Your tonality, which includes the modulation, quality and sound of your voice account for 38%
- Your body language and appearance account for 55%
- 40% is attributable to facial language, head nods, tilts, changes in expression, smiling, eye contact etc.
- 15% is your general body language and appearance.
Not only do you have to give off the right signals — such as good eye contact, posture and proximity, smiling and so on to create a great impression — you also have to be able to read and interpret body language signals from women. (See this related article to learn how to read a woman’s flirting body language to tell if a girl likes you.)
What Does Your Body Language Say About You?
It’s crucial to become more attune to what you communicate with your body language. In general, people are surprisingly unaware of their body language and the way it’s interpreted by others. Considering that it can take 21 meetings to change someone’s first impression of you, it shows just how important it is to have confident body language so you can create a good first impression.
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To improve your body language awareness, start by noticing what you’re doing with your hands the next time you’re in a group setting. Could your body language be interpreted as closed or nervous? Are your arms folded or are your hands buried deep in your pockets? Do you regularly rub the back of your neck, fidget with something in your hand, or keep checking your phone because you feel uncomfortable sitting or standing still?
If you do, it’s unlikely that women will give you the benefit of the doubt by thinking that you’re just a little nervous. Instead, your body language will be interpreted as disinterest, or even worse, insecurity. When you consider that confidence is one of the most valued traits that women are looking for in a man, this presents a real problem for your dating life.
Flirting Body Language is All About “Presence”
When it comes to flirting body language obviously all the basic body language tips still apply like standing with your shoulders back and head held high, keeping your movements relaxed and deliberate, not being afraid to gesture and take up space with a wide confident stance etc.
In addition you need to consider how you position yourself in relation to the women you’re flirting with and, above all, demonstrate to her that she has your undivided attention. Women want to know that you are “there” with them and are very sensitive to body language signals that indicate your “presence” in the moment.
For a lot of guys “presence” is an elusive concept and something they don’t pay much attention to, but it’s extremely important to women. We all know what it’s like to be in someone’s company who is “emotionally absent.” Their withdrawn body language quickly tells us that they have other things on their mind and are not present in the here and now.
Women are more intuitive than we are when it comes to reading body language signals and are particularly sensitive to whether a man is “present” in the moment, or elsewhere. It’s very difficult to make a woman feel attraction for you if you are not able to convince her that she has your undivided attention.
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Presence is not something you can fake. You have to learn to actually be in the moment with her. Here are some body language signs that signal to a women that you are present with her:
Strong Eye Contact
Look her in the eye and hold eye contact. Remember it’s not a stare down. Your goal should be soft, natural eye contact. Whatever you do, avoid looking down at her breasts or checking out other girls while the two of you are talking.
We’ve all heard it repeated so often but still guys have a hard time listening to what she has to say. Some guys have a habit of just waiting for their turn to talk, but shy guys who are nervous or don’t have the best conversation skills tend to use the time while the girl is talking to think about what to say next.
The irony is that if you were to listen and be in the moment with her, you’d have a much easier time of keeping the conversation going and making more natural and engaging conversation by responding to the things that she says. When you’re not really listening it really shows in your body language and she will notice, even if she pretends not to.
Gentle Physical Touches
Touching a woman communicates to her that you are confident and feel comfortable with her. It’s no secret that women are attracted to confident men, so you need to learn how to touch women in a natural and non-threatening way in order to build attraction.
A very natural way to touch a girl is to touch the outside of her arm with the inside of your hand. A good time to do this is when you’re sharing a joke about something or when you suddenly remember something that you wanted to tell her. Another very masculine and charming way of touching a women is to put your hand in the small of her back to guide her somewhere. For example when you’re leaving one location to go another together.
I know that shy guys tend to over think things and have a very hard time touching girls even in a very harmless way. The trick is not to wait until the perfect time to touch her. It’s best to touch early on so you don’t getting so stressed out about it that you aren’t able to concentrate on the conversation.
If you’re nervous about reaching out and touching her, start by picking up one of her possessions, like her cellphone or sunglasses to have a look at. Or if you have a little more courage, comment on a piece of her jewelry like a ring or her watch and take her hand lightly in yours as you have a closer look.
There are a lot of very innocent and harmless ways to touch a girl and once she get’s used to being touched by you, your touches can get longer and more intimate.
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