Studies show that your body language and appearance account for more than half of communication. Women are experts at deciphering non-verbal body language signs to rank your attractiveness before you even utter a single word.
Have you ever noticed that men who women find attractive often have a very similar way of holding their bodies? It usually involves 3 attributes:
- Slowness. Don’t move too quickly.
- Smoothness. No jerky movements.
- Steadiness. Don’t fidget.
What does your body language signal to women? The good news is that once you’ve identified your poor body language cues, the major problems can be fixed pretty quickly to lend you more authority and power and instantly boost your attractiveness.
Weak Body Language Signs to Avoid
We can all instinctively tell when someone looks uncomfortable. Slouching, fidgeting, darting eyes, shifting weight from one leg to the other, folded arms and hands hidden in pockets are just some of the telltale signs of a lack of confidence. Unfortunately it’s less easy to see what you’re doing wrong, but we can all improve our body language in some way.
I used to hold my beer close to my chest with very closed body language. I wasn’t even aware that I was doing this until I was out in San Francisco one night and a girl approached me and told me to relax.
When in my defense I told her that I was having a good time, she moved my hand down from my chest to the side of my body and told me I look more comfortable that way. Now when I’m out I remind myself not to hold my beer in a way that creates a barrier between me and everyone else.
I also make a special effort to keep my hands out of my pockets so I look more confident and so I can use my hands for deliberate gestures. Of course this means paying attention not to fidget by constantly touching my face, scratching my head, adjusting my cuffs or watch etc.
One little trick that’s helped me to feel more comfortable with my hands at my sides and avoid fidgeting is to press my thumb against my index and middle finger so my hands aren’t always looking for something to do.
The point is that we all have room for improvement and it starts with identifying what you’re doing wrong so let’s take a look now at positive male body language that we can model.
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Strong Body Language Signs to Adopt
Stand up straight
Stand with your shoulders back, which will naturally push your chest out slightly. The back of your neck should be in line with your back and not protruding forward. It can be helpful to imagine a balloon on a string extending from the crown of your head and pulling your head upwards towards the sky. This will automatically make you stand upright with your spine elongated.
If you’re self-conscious about some extra pounds around your waist, standing straight will automatically help to pull your gut in. A straight spine gives the impression of purpose and strength and I don’t need to tell you that “spineless” is another word for cowardly.
Avoid the duck feet waddle
Now look at your feet. They should be shoulder width apart so you feel well grounded and pointing straight ahead or very slightly outward. A lot of guys make the mistake of walking with their feet pointing outwards like a duck. This looks unnatural and results in poor posture.
Walk with a swagger
When you walk, swing your shoulders slightly to create a relaxed and confident swagger. If you don’t move your shoulders at all when you walk then you’ll look tense. Of course you don’t want to overdo it either or you’ll risk looking like a gangster or a cowboy. You’ll also want to swing your arms in a natural way so you don’t look too stiff or robotic.
Make strong eye contact
When you walk you eyes should be looking straight in front of you and not down to the ground. Don’t forget to look people in the eye when you walk by because it demonstrates that you’re confident, strong and have nothing to hide. It’s surprising how few guys actually make and hold eye contact with women, that it really says something about you when you do.
Remember it’s not a staring match, your goal should be soft, natural eye contact. If you’re not used to holding eye contact with women it might feel uncomfortable at first. So if you need some time to practice holding eye contact, then remember to break eye contact to the side rather than down, which conveys weakness.
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Perfect the inward smile
When it comes to smiling, you don’t need to walk around with a smile permanently plastered to your face because it looks unnatural. A well timed smile accompanied by strong eye contact is much more effective than a permanent grin. So instead, practice smiling inwardly at yourself.
A slight inward smile that’s only visible on the corners of your mouth and in your eyes will fill you with positive energy and make you look confident, intriguing and attractive. Think of it as smiling through your eyes.
Sit up straight
When sitting, try to keep your ears, shoulders and hips aligned. This forces you to sit up straight. Also keep the soles of your feet flat on the floor. This will help to keep you grounded and avoid nervous fidgeting like bouncing your knee. Your head should not protrude forward like the poor posture a lot of people have when sitting in front of the computer.
Relax your tongue
One helpful tip that I learnt from yoga is to avoid pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth. This is something people tend to do when they’re tense so by reminding yourself to relax your tongue you can relieve a tension in your body.
Keep your movements slow and controlled
Your movements should be calm, slow and deliberate. This shows that you’re in control of your body and you’re not easily intimidated. Think James Bond economy of movement here. He moves slowly yet purposefully and doesn’t waste energy on unnecessary head or arm movements or nervous shifting or twitching.
Take up space
Confident people aren’t afraid to take up space. Stand with a wide, confident stance and use gestures. When you sit, spread yourself out a little. The more space you give yourself, the more space other people will give you. This is especially true on the dance floor.
Shake hands firmly
I shouldn’t really have to mention this, but some people seem to need a reminder. A firm handshake, that’s neither crushing nor limp, while you look someone in the eyes works wonders in both business and personal situations.
It says so much about you if you can walk up to a girl and introduce yourself while you offer her your hand in a friendly but assertive way. It’s communicates confidence, friendliness and high status.
The next time you’re out, observe the people around you and see who has good and bad body language. This will help you to become more aware of your own body language. Also, get some role models from movies and real life and pinpoint what about them it is that conveys easy, powerful masculinity.
Remember that consistency is key. Make a conscious effort to have great posture all the time. I know it’s a lot to think about at first, but if you keep reminding yourself of these body language tips, before long good body language will come naturally to you.
If your posture is particularly bad or if you suffer from back pain, you might want to learn about Alexander technique or join a local yoga class, which is also a great way to meet beautiful women!
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