The man is expected to take the assertive role in relationships. In everything from the approach, to the first kiss, and in the act of sex itself. So men who are afraid of women, often end up frustrated and unsatisfied in their relationships.
It might seem foolish to think that a man could be afraid of a woman. After all, what can a woman possibly do to hurt you? You’ve probably even said it to yourself 100 times before, “I should just go talk to her… what do I have to lose?” So why are so many men afraid to approach women?
“What Am I Afraid Of?”
Many guys ask themselves this question when trying to be themselves around women, or confront their approach anxiety. A common mistake guys make is to assume that their fear is completely irrational. Could you in fact, have something to lose after all?
As you probably know, most fear is rooted in uncertainty and disappears once you identify the real source of your fear. So to get over your fear of women, it’s important to acknowledge the source of their power over you.
Believe it or not, you give women the power that they have over you because their strength lies in being able to validate or invalidate you as a man.
Men and women differ largely in the manifestation of their fears. Women are most afraid of being abandoned by people they love and when their safety and security is threatened. On the other hand, a man’s fears are more ego centered. For example, fears of inadequacy or a sense of not being good enough.
If you doubt this, think about the connection between male suicides and financial crisis. If a man feels that he can no longer provide for his family, he starts to feel inadequate. This phenomenon is rooted in human nature and lends itself to reproduction and survival.
Problems arise when you root your value as a man on whether or not a woman is romantically interested in you. Whether you are aware of it or not, your primal instincts compel you to interpret that a woman is assessing whether you would be good enough for survival or reproduction. Most guys aren’t self aware enough to realize that this is in fact what is happening.
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How to Overcome Your Fear of Women
You can overcome your fear of women by taking back responsibility for determining your value as a man. Instead of allowing other people’s opinions and reactions to you to determine your value, you decide on your own value. One excellent way to do this is with these positive affirmations for self-esteem.
It’s called self–esteem for a reason because it’s how you regard yourself, which is a decision entirely up to you.
Remember that when you came into this world you weren’t worried what other people thought of you. It’s only through social conditioning that we start placing too much emphasis on other people’s opinions, when the only opinion that really matters is your own.
If you believe that women are attracted to something that you don’t have or that you aren’t good enough in some way, it’s only natural that you will feel inadequate and lose confidence. This is a self-fulfilling prophesy because confidence is crucial to your success with women.
Women Enjoy Being Approached
Learning not to take rejection personally is another important step to overcoming your fear of women. There are so many reasons why women reject men that have absolutely nothing to do with you personally. She might be in a relationship, have just come out of a bad relationship, she could have just had some bad news, or maybe it’s just that time of the month and she’s a little moody.
At any point in time, only about 40% of girls are open to being chatted up. That said, don’t fool yourself into thinking that women don’t enjoy being approached or assume that she’ll make an embarrassing scene if she’s not interested in you. Whether they’re interested in you or not, the vast majority of women are flattered at being approached.
Think about how you’d react if a woman approached you in the street with a smile and told you that you’re an attractive man. Even if you were in a relationship or she wasn’t 100% your type, it would still make you feel good about yourself, wouldn’t it?
Even if you weren’t interested in her, you wouldn’t take offense or react badly just because she had the courage to stick her neck out and pay you a compliment. If anything, it would make your day and you’d be happy to take some time to chat with her.
So what makes you think women should react any differently? There is no reason to expect she’ll act like a bitch, or go out of her way to make you feel uncomfortable. Stop sabotaging yourself by assuming that she’ll have a negative reaction to you and let her deal with whatever feelings she has towards you.
If for whatever reason she’s not interested, she’ll politely tell you so. In this case, you can just let her continue on her way and you can feel good about yourself for having taken the initiative, instead of kicking yourself for the rest of the day. There is no reason for anyone to lose their cool or become confrontational.
Many guys falsely assume that only 10% of women are approachable, and 90% of women will give them the cold shoulder, but in reality the reverse is true — 90% of women are approachable and appreciative when approached, whether they’re in a relationship or not.
Have you ever been really attracted to a girl,
but lacked the confidence to approach?
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Just How Afraid of Women Are You?
It’s important to be honest with yourself by assessing the impact your fear is having on your interactions with women. So answer the following questions honestly:
When you see a beautiful woman, how do you react?
Most of the time, your initial gut reaction will tell you more about yourself than hours of careful self-analysis. If you are uncertain when answering this question, notice your reaction the next time you see an attractive woman you’d like to get to know.
When you think of approaching her or if she glances in your direction, does your heart start race? Do you get sweaty palms and start to fidget? Do you feel suddenly feel small, timid and inferior? If so, these could be signs that you’re giving her opinion far too much weight when it comes to your value as a man.
When you sense a woman may be rejecting you, how do you react?
When you answer this question, pay attention to the word ‘sense’. There are many things that may falsely lead you to believe that a woman is rejecting you.
For example, if a woman looks away suddenly when she sees you looking at her, do you interpret this as rejection? If you were to say hello to her and all that she responds with is “Hello”, do you assume that she is not interested just because she gave you a one word answer?
Even beautiful women don’t have perfect confidence so don’t sell yourself short by assuming she’s not interested in you. What about if she turns you down when you ask her on a date? Do you feel a nervous sickness in your stomach as if you’ve just been punched in the gut?
And the most important question…
When a woman disagrees with you or ‘tests’ you, how do you react?
Many men are oblivious to the fact that women will test you to determine whether you are qualified to date them. Your ability to pass these tests is going to be completely dependent on your ability to deal with your own fear of inadequacy. It is also the one variable which can make or break your dating life.
So how do you know if you’re setting yourself up to ‘fail’ these tests? When a woman disagrees with you, or shows disapproval for something that you like, what is your initial response? Do you feel the need to “make it right” or to convince her of your point of view? Are you afraid she will lose interest in you if you do not validate her point of view? Do you put up with a woman’s bratty behavior or disrespect because you’re afraid that she will leave you?
If so, then you are allowing that fear to ruin your chances of the happy relationship that you deserve. There is nothing more frustrating for a guy than to have this feeling of helplessness, to literally watch an attractive woman slip by, and not know how to fix the situation. Sure, there is always the standard advice of “just go for it,” but if you don’t have the confidence and the skills, your fear gets in the way.
You Can Become Confident With Women
Acknowledging that you’re afraid of women is the first step to overcoming your fear and improving your interactions with them. It takes guts to admit fear and is nothing to be ashamed of. Many guys are afraid to talk to women, but you have the power to overcome your fear.
You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take.
Remember that nobody is rejection proof, but life tends to be very generous to those who put themselves on the line. In most cases, simply taking a chance and making some approaches is enough to help overcome your fear.
For tips on how to evolve from a stammering recluse to a confident man who is comfortable interacting fully with women, be sure to check out these powerful confidence building tips for men.