Why Am I Afraid of Women?

Are you afraid of women?

Are you afraid of women?

The man is expected to take the assertive role in rela­tion­ships. In every­thing from the approach, to the first kiss, and in the act of sex itself. So men who are afraid of women, often end up frus­trated and unsat­is­fied in their relationships.

It might seem fool­ish to think that a man could be afraid of a woman. After all, what can a woman pos­si­bly do to hurt you? You’ve prob­a­bly even said it to your­self 100 times before, “I should just go talk to her… what do I have to lose?” So why are so many men afraid to approach women?

“What Am I Afraid Of?”

Many guys ask them­selves this ques­tion when try­ing to be them­selves around women, or con­front their approach anxiety. A com­mon mis­take guys make is to assume that their fear is com­pletely irrational. Could you in fact, have some­thing to lose after all?

As you prob­a­bly know, most fear is rooted in uncer­tainty and dis­ap­pears once you iden­tify the real source of your fear. So to get over your fear of women, it’s impor­tant to acknowl­edge the source of their power over you.

Believe it or not, you give women the power that they have over you because their strength lies in being able to val­i­date or inval­i­date you as a man.

Men and women dif­fer largely in the man­i­fes­ta­tion of their fears. Women are most afraid of being aban­doned by peo­ple they love and when their safety and secu­rity is threatened. On the other hand, a man’s fears are more ego cen­tered. For exam­ple, fears of inad­e­quacy or a sense of not being good enough.

If you doubt this, think about the con­nec­tion between male sui­cides and finan­cial cri­sis. If a man feels that he can no longer pro­vide for his fam­ily, he starts to feel inad­e­quate. This phe­nom­e­non is rooted in human nature and lends itself to repro­duc­tion and survival.

Prob­lems arise when you root your value as a man on whether or not a woman is roman­ti­cally inter­ested in you. Whether you are aware of it or not, your pri­mal instincts com­pel you to inter­pret that a woman is assess­ing whether you would be good enough for sur­vival or repro­duc­tion. Most guys aren’t self aware enough to real­ize that this is in fact what is happening.

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How to Over­come Your Fear of Women

You can over­come your fear of women by tak­ing back respon­si­bil­ity for deter­min­ing your value as a man. Instead of allow­ing other people’s opin­ions and reac­tions to you to deter­mine your value, you decide on your own value. One excel­lent way to do this is with these pos­i­tive affir­ma­tions for self-esteem.

It’s called self–esteem for a rea­son because it’s how you regard your­self, which is a deci­sion entirely up to you. 

Remem­ber that when you came into this world you weren’t wor­ried what other peo­ple thought of you. It’s only through social con­di­tion­ing that we start plac­ing too much empha­sis on other people’s opin­ions, when the only opin­ion that really mat­ters is your own. 

If you believe that women are attracted to some­thing that you don’t have or that you aren’t good enough in some way, it’s only nat­ural that you will feel inad­e­quate and lose con­fi­dence. This is a self-fulfilling proph­esy because con­fi­dence is cru­cial to your suc­cess with women. 

Women Enjoy Being Approached

Learn­ing not to take rejec­tion per­son­ally is another impor­tant step to over­com­ing your fear of women. There are so many rea­sons why women reject men that have absolutely noth­ing to do with you personally. She might be in a rela­tion­ship, have just come out of a bad rela­tion­ship, she could have just had some bad news, or maybe it’s just that time of the month and she’s a lit­tle moody.

At any point in time, only about 40% of girls are open to being chat­ted up. That said, don’t fool your­self into think­ing that women don’t enjoy being approached or assume that she’ll make an embar­rass­ing scene if she’s not inter­ested in you. Whether they’re inter­ested in you or not, the vast major­ity of women are flat­tered at being approached. 

Think about how you’d react if a woman approached you in the street with a smile and told you that you’re an attrac­tive man. Even if you were in a rela­tion­ship or she wasn’t 100% your type, it would still make you feel good about your­self, wouldn’t it?

Even if you weren’t inter­ested in her, you wouldn’t take offense or react badly just because she had the courage to stick her neck out and pay you a com­pli­ment. If any­thing, it would make your day and you’d be happy to take some time to chat with her.

So what makes you think women should react any differently? There is no rea­son to expect she’ll act like a bitch, or go out of her way to make you feel uncom­fort­able. Stop sab­o­tag­ing your­self by assum­ing that she’ll have a neg­a­tive reac­tion to you and let her deal with what­ever feel­ings she has towards you.

If for what­ever rea­son she’s not inter­ested, she’ll politely tell you so. In this case, you can just let her con­tinue on her way and you can feel good about your­self for hav­ing taken the ini­tia­tive, instead of kick­ing your­self for the rest of the day. There is no rea­son for any­one to lose their cool or become confrontational.   

Many guys falsely assume that only 10% of women are approach­able, and 90% of women will give them the cold shoul­der, but in real­ity the reverse is true — 90% of women are approach­able and appre­cia­tive when approached, whether they’re in a rela­tion­ship or not.

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Just How Afraid of Women Are You?

It’s impor­tant to be hon­est with your­self by assess­ing the impact your fear is hav­ing on your inter­ac­tions with women. So answer the fol­low­ing ques­tions honestly:

When you see a beau­ti­ful woman, how do you react?

Most of the time, your ini­tial gut reac­tion will tell you more about your­self than hours of care­ful self-analysis. If you are uncer­tain when answer­ing this ques­tion, notice your reac­tion the next time you see an attrac­tive woman you’d like to get to know.

When you think of approach­ing her or if she glances in your direc­tion, does your heart start race? Do you get sweaty palms and start to fid­get? Do you feel sud­denly feel small, timid and inferior? If so, these could be signs that you’re giv­ing her opin­ion far too much weight when it comes to your value as a man.

When you sense a woman may be reject­ing you, how do you react?

When you answer this ques­tion, pay atten­tion to the word ‘sense’. There are many things that may falsely lead you to believe that a woman is reject­ing you.

For exam­ple, if a woman looks away sud­denly when she sees you look­ing at her, do you inter­pret this as rejection? If you were to say hello to her and all that she responds with is “Hello”, do you assume that she is not inter­ested just because she gave you a one word answer?

Even beau­ti­ful women don’t have per­fect con­fi­dence so don’t sell your­self short by assum­ing she’s not inter­ested in you. What about if she turns you down when you ask her on a date? Do you feel a ner­vous sick­ness in your stom­ach as if you’ve just been punched in the gut? 

And the most impor­tant question…

When a woman dis­agrees with you or ‘tests’ you, how do you react?

Many men are obliv­i­ous to the fact that women will test you to deter­mine whether you are qual­i­fied to date them. Your abil­ity to pass these tests is going to be com­pletely depen­dent on your abil­ity to deal with your own fear of inad­e­quacy. It is also the one vari­able which can make or break your dat­ing life.

So how do you know if you’re set­ting your­self up to ‘fail’ these tests? When a woman dis­agrees with you, or shows dis­ap­proval for some­thing that you like, what is your ini­tial response? Do you feel the need to “make it right” or to con­vince her of your point of view? Are you afraid she will lose inter­est in you if you do not val­i­date her point of view? Do you put up with a woman’s bratty behav­ior or dis­re­spect because you’re afraid that she will leave you?

If so, then you are allow­ing that fear to ruin your chances of the happy rela­tion­ship that you deserve. There is noth­ing more frus­trat­ing for a guy than to have this feel­ing of help­less­ness, to lit­er­ally watch an attrac­tive woman slip by, and not know how to fix the sit­u­a­tion. Sure, there is always the stan­dard advice of “just go for it,” but if you don’t have the con­fi­dence and the skills, your fear gets in the way.

You Can Become Con­fi­dent With Women

Acknowl­edg­ing that you’re afraid of women is the first step to over­com­ing your fear and improv­ing your inter­ac­tions with them. It takes guts to admit fear and is noth­ing to be ashamed of. Many guys are afraid to talk to women, but you have the power to over­come your fear. 

You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take. 

Remem­ber that nobody is rejec­tion proof, but life tends to be very gen­er­ous to those who put them­selves on the line. In most cases, sim­ply tak­ing a chance and mak­ing some approaches is enough to help over­come your fear. 

For tips on how to evolve from a stam­mer­ing recluse to a con­fi­dent man who is com­fort­able inter­act­ing fully with women, be sure to check out these pow­er­ful con­fi­dence build­ing tips for men.


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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

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