Some of the most frustrating dating advice is precisely the suggestion most friends and family offer, “Just be yourself and the rest will come naturally”.
If you got nookie for every time you heard the “just be yourself” line you’d be Casanova, right? So just why is it so difficult to be yourself around beautiful women and what does this popular dating advice really mean?
Dating Skills Make “Being Yourself” Easier
If you’ve not had much success with women up to now, it’s not entirely your fault. Society seems to think that dating is a natural process that we should get right without guidance. Think about it, back in high school did you have classes on social etiquette, or coaches teaching you how to make women swoon? I doubt it.
If you’ve not had much success with women up to now, it’s not entirely your fault.
Dating behaviors are complex social skills that must be learned. Dating requires learning social rules, reading subtle body language, and experiencing some rejection. If that weren’t enough, there is heaps of competition when it comes to attracting the most beautiful women. If you dilly-dally or fail to put your best foot forward, you lose.
To make matters worse, men and women are wired differently. Not only are women more verbally and emotionally expressive, they are also more in tune with non-verbal communication than men. So being nervous or insecure can blow your chances with a woman even before you utter a single word. What’s more, the man that is usually expected to lead the interaction in everything from the initial approach, to the first kiss, and the act of sex itself.
With this much pressure, it’s no wonder it’s so hard to relax and be yourself around attractive women. The good news is that even if you are a shy guy, with the right attitude and the right information, you can drastically improve your success rate with women. That’s not to say it’ll be easy, but it’ll certainly be worth the effort.
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What Does “Being Yourself” Really Mean?
Even if most of your social interactions are awkward, stressful and short, there are probably one or two people with whom you feel comfortable. People with whom you can joke around, have great conversations, and just plain relax. These people see your best self; the interesting, funny, energetic guy who is fun to be around.
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland
Being yourself means emphasizing your positive characteristics to be a first-rate version of yourself, and not trying to impress people by being someone you’re not. Your behavior should convince women of your positive attributes and make them feel good in your company. Granted it’s not always easy to put your best foot forward, but to “be yourself” means striving to do just that.
Being yourself means being friendly, positive, sincere, honest and interested. This means smiling and being upbeat about life. It means having a laugh and not taking yourself too seriously. It means having the confidence to express your own opinions and meaning what you say. It means listening and showing a genuine interest in the people you communicate with.
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“Be Yourself” Assumes the Best of People
“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people. ~Tom Masson
The advice to “be yourself” assumes the best of people and therefore implies that you should avoiding being:
- Negative — If you bad-mouth others, what’s to stop you from bad-mouthing your present company too? You don’t want a reputation for being a downer or gossiper.
- Whiny — Moaning about your problems doesn’t help to solve them, and it’s unattractive too.
- Boastful — Nobody likes a braggart. If you need to show off to impress a woman, what does that say about your personality?
- Obscene — Woman love a man with a sense of humor but vulgar gestures, jokes and observations are a turn-off.
- Stingy — Women notice signs of stinginess far sooner than men, so don’t be a freeloader. Buy a round of drinks, leave a tip for service and rather err on the side of generosity.
- Aggressive — Never use strong-arm tactics to get what you want, be it through emotional outbursts, manipulation, insults or physical intimidation. Women respect calm and assertive men, but not aggressive men.
The good news here is that when it comes to success with women, you don’t need to adopt some phoney “player persona” the million-dollar seduction industry wants to sell you. It helps to remember that other people are not better than you. Even beautiful women have insecurities and social fears of one sort or another.
If you treat people as your equal and aim to be the way you are around your best friends (with a few important differences) you’ll be on the right path to attracting a high quality woman who loves you for who you are.
Be yourself; everybody else is taken. ~Oscar Wilde
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