How to Overcome Jealousy and Feel Like a Rock Star

How to overcome jealousy and feel like a rockstar

How to over­come jeal­ousy and feel like a rockstar

Do you reg­u­larly com­pare your­self with oth­ers and then find your­self feel­ing jeal­ous when you don’t mea­sure up?

Con­stant com­par­i­son is unhealthy. It deflates your self-esteem and leads to feel­ings of inad­e­quacy and unwor­thi­ness. It also blinds you to your strengths and the many bless­ings and oppor­tu­ni­ties in your life.

Whether you like it or not, there will always be peo­ple who are smarter, bet­ter look­ing, more pop­u­lar or more suc­cess­ful than you. How you choose to respond to this will have a huge impact on your self-image and your future suc­cess in all areas of life.

The surest way to breed jeal­ousy is to com­pare. Since jeal­ousy comes from feel­ing less than another, com­par­isons only fan the fires. — Dorothy Corkille Briggs.

Don’t Let Com­par­ing Cause You to Quit

Jeal­ousy is par­a­lyz­ing and will keep you from reach­ing your full potential. Have you ever given up some­thing you enjoyed because you felt you’d never mea­sure up to what oth­ers have already achieved? 

It’s easy to for­get that you don’t need to be the best in order to enjoy the ben­e­fits of pur­su­ing your inter­ests. As Sam Horn said, “If you don’t quit com­par­ing, com­par­ing will cause you to quit.” 

Take this blog for exam­ple. There are plenty of dat­ing advice web­sites out there already, so I used to ask myself if there is any point in me cre­at­ing another one. I won­dered, “Does the world really need to hear my take on things?” and “Do I really have any­thing valu­able to say?”

It was only by con­sciously choos­ing not to com­pare myself with oth­ers that I lib­er­ated myself to take a chance, speak out and poten­tially have a pos­i­tive influ­ence on other people’s lives. 

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Are You Let­ting Jeal­ousy Hold­ing You Back?

Jeal­ousy and neg­a­tive self-talk can make you quit even before you get started. Have you ever talked your­self out of some­thing that could have been fun or a help­ful learn­ing expe­ri­ence? Per­haps you thought, “What’s the point? I’ll never be any good anyway.”

Have you ever watched a band per­form on stage and wished you could cap­ti­vate an audi­ence and woo girls in the same way. You think to your­self, “If only I’d learned to play the gui­tar when I was younger.”

Then self-doubt raises its ugly head and you remind your­self that you’re tone deaf, you have the hand-eye coor­di­na­tion of a mup­pet, gui­tar lessons are time con­sum­ing and expen­sive, and besides, it’s too late now any­way. The sad thing is that you’ve prob­a­bly had many sim­i­lar expe­ri­ences through­out your life.

Admire and be Inspired into Tak­ing Action

Do you remem­ber years ago, that guy who had every­one singing along by the fire as he jammed on his gui­tar? You know, that guy who you couldn’t help feel­ing envi­ous of when you noticed all the atten­tion he got from the girls. What excuses did you make for not learn­ing to play the gui­tar back then? 

Instead of stew­ing in jeal­ousy, what if you’d thought, “Good for you,” and used your admi­ra­tion for his skills as inspi­ra­tion to learn to play the gui­tar your­self. You could have even made a start that very night by hav­ing him to teach you a few chords.

Where might you be now if instead of stew­ing in jeal­ousy, you responded by tak­ing pos­i­tive action?

Granted, not every­one reaches rock star sta­tus with thou­sands of ador­ing fans, but there is no rea­son why you couldn’t be that guy strum­ming your favorite Guns N’ Roses tracks next to the fire and at least feel­ing like a rock star!

Take Action Now, Before it’s Too Late

The prob­lem is that when we’re con­sumed with jeal­ousy, we fail to rec­og­nize and take advan­tage of oppor­tu­ni­ties for learn­ing and growth. We lose sight of the fact that we don’t have to be the best in order to get bet­ter and we make excuses or put things off for tomor­row that we could do today.

If you don’t take action today, then ten years from now you will still be think­ing, “I wish I had, but it’s too late now.” The sad­dest thing about this is that one day you might just be right. One day it will be too late.

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Too Shy to Approach?

Here’s another exam­ple that most shy guys can relate to. A girl you really like is sit­ting across the room. You’re too ner­vous to approach her so you make excuses why the tim­ing isn’t right. Then sud­denly out of nowhere some dude walks up to her and starts a con­ver­sa­tion. The next thing you know, she is laugh­ing and they are hav­ing a great time together. 

How do you respond in this sit­u­a­tion? You want to kick your­self for hav­ing missed your chance and you’re con­sumed with jeal­ousy, right? You prob­a­bly think the guy is a jerk and per­haps you even feel some resent­ment towards the girl for being blind or “too easy.”

Even in uncom­fort­able sit­u­a­tions like these, make a habit of ask­ing your­self what you can learn and what you can do bet­ter next time. Acknowl­edge the guts that this guy demon­strated in approach­ing and intro­duc­ing him­self. Give him credit for his con­fi­dent body lan­guage or his good sense of style. 

The more pre­pared you are to men­tally con­grat­u­late peo­ple for their accom­plish­ments and for demon­strat­ing the qual­i­ties and skills that you aspire to, the more oppor­tu­ni­ties you give your­self for learn­ing and growth and the more likely you’ll be to fol­low in their footsteps.

Don’t Lose Sight of Your Strengths

You can be the moon and still be jeal­ous of the stars. — Gary Allen.

Remem­ber that focus­ing on oth­ers’ strengths some­times causes us to lose sight of our own. The next time you notice your­self feel­ing jeal­ous, remem­ber that jeal­ousy blinds you to your own pos­i­tive qual­i­ties, par­a­lyzes you to enact change and hin­ders you from reach­ing your full potential.

You can either let jeal­ously get you down and cause you to quit, or you can give credit where it’s due and replace jeal­ousy with admi­ra­tion. Then let admi­ra­tion inspire pos­i­tive action and self-improvement. Instead of being intim­i­dated by other people’s skills, always ask your­self, “What can I learn from this person?”

Arro­gance is not the answer either. There is a Hindu proverb that says, “There is noth­ing noble in feel­ing supe­rior to another per­son. True nobil­ity is in being supe­rior to your for­mer self.” The sooner you stop using oth­ers as the yard­stick for your own worth, the hap­pier and more ful­filled you’ll be and the eas­ier it’ll become to attract qual­ity women into your life. 

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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

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