Guys tend to overlook the fact that your tonality, or the sound of your voice, is more important in making a great impression than what you actually say.
If you talk in a high-pitched nasal whine, women won’t be attracted to you and your confidence with girls will take a knock. It’s not that you need to have a sexy voice per se, but you should have a controlled and expressive voice with good volume.
These tips will help you to improve your speaking voice and turn up your sex appeal.
Speak in Your Chest Voice
If you’ve ever sung in a choir, you’ll know that we actually have two “voices”: a head voice and a chest voice. Your head voice takes care of the high notes. It originates in your throat and when using your head voice you breathe out of your nose.
You use your chest voice for the low notes. It originates lower down in your diaphragm and when using your chest voice you breathe out through your mouth. As you’ve probably guessed, speaking in your head voice makes you sound more masculine and confident.
Try this vocal exercise to find your chest voice:
Sing “Ahhh…”, then slowly raise it and lower it. It should sound a bit like a siren, up high, down low, up high, down low etc. As you do this notice where you feel the air pressure. As you shift from high to low, it goes from your head to your chest. Put your hand on your chest to feel the vibrations in your chest when you’re in chest voice.
Now read the following sentence out loud:
Why don’t you put your number in my phone and we can meet up for a coffee sometime.
Now hold your nose and read it again. How different does it sound? If it sounds very similar, then you’re probably already using your chest voice. If it sounds very nasally when you hold your nose, then you need to practice speaking with a deeper voice until there is not much difference.
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How Does Your Speaking Voice Sound?
Most of us are surprisingly unaware of the sound or impact of our own voice because we don’t hear our voice the way other people do. With the goal of improving your voice, it’s a good idea to record your voice as you read or even better, record your side of a phone conversation. Then ask yourself these questions:
- Do I speak clearly or mumble?
- Do I speak too quickly to pronounce all my words properly?
- Do I maintain a decent volume throughout my sentences, without trailing off at the end?
- Do I try to to speak continuously because I’m uncomfortable with pauses in conversation?
A lot of guys are in the habit of speaking too quickly. It’s almost as if they’re worried that if they don’t speak fast enough, then people won’t hear them out. This is needy behavior. It makes you sound nervous and results in poor pronunciation, getting tongue-tied and being misunderstood. On the other hand, speaking in a slow, controlled manner shows confidence.
Talking too fast also results in you speaking more in your head voice, so your voice sounds higher-pitched, which betrays your nervousness. Another common problem is dropping your volume and swallowing your words as you rush to finish your sentence. When people regularly misunderstand you it makes you appear weak or submissive, obviously something to avoid.
Shy guys tend to be softly spoken. Speaking louder is a simple way to disguise nerves and come across more confidently. On the other hand barking at people in too loud a voice can be interpreted as arrogance and a need to be in the center of attention, so try to strike a happy medium remembering to adjust your volume to suit the occasion.
Breathe into Your Diaphragm
When we’re nervous, our breathing tends to become faster, shallower and more erratic. Diaphragmatic breathing helps you to breathe more deeply into your lungs and gives you better vocal control and helps improves your vocal tone.
You can practice breathing from you diaphragm by lying on your back with your hand on your stomach. When you breathe in, pull the breathe right down through your lungs and into your stomach so your hand rises. Then exhale slowly making a long, continuous and constant note.
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Pause, to Improve Your Voice Quality
One simple solution to the common vocal problems guys have is to take a deep breath from the diaphragm before speaking. This does a few things:
- It fills your lungs with air so you can talk without running out of breath or nervously rushing to finish.
- It gives you the chance to gather your thoughts, moderate your pitch and speed and appear in control.
- It helps you to relax.
Don’t worry about the pause in conversation as you take a breath, if anything, it can make you seem like a thoughtful speaker. You’ll be amazed at the difference a simple pause can make to the quality of your voice!
Another tip for speaking in a confident, well-projected voice is to maintain good posture both when standing and sitting. This helps you to breathe deeper into your chest and keep your airwaves open and free.
Invest in Improving Your Speaking Skills
A well-rounded, emotive and controlled voice is the most attractive to listen to. It’s funny how we spend a fortune of products that make is look and smell attractive, yet very few people invest in vocal training to improve their speaking voice, one of the most powerful assets we possess.
There are so many ways to get a better speaking voice including taking an acting or stand-up comedy class, doing some public speaking or try some online singing lessons. Or how about doing some fund-raising for a charity, either face-to-face or on the phone. Even yoga can indirectly give you more control over your voice by improving your posture and diaphragmatic breathing.
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