Most guys get nervous just thinking about asking a girl for her number, but getting a girl’s number doesn’t have to be hard.
In this post we’ll take a look at how to get a girl’s number and then I’ll clue you in on some of the common mistakes to avoid when making a number close.
First Build Comfort and Attraction
Before asking a girl for her phone number, you should make her feel comfortable in your company and connect with her on an emotional level. She needs to feel that she can trust you.
She should also be feeling some attraction towards you. If she’s smiling, telling you things about herself and asking questions about you, then she probably won’t have any objection to giving you her number.
Lead Into the Number Close With Common Interests
It’s easier to get a girl’s number and it feels more natural if you’re able to identify an activity you could do together based on common interests. Simple questions like these can help you to establish a connection:
- What do you like to do when you’re not working?
- What places do you like to go to in the evening?
- What food do you like?
Here’s an example of a natural way to lead into a number close using one of these questions:
You: So, what do you like to do when you’re not working?
Her: Well, I’m into photography.
You: That’s cool. Have you been to that new photo exhibition at the Tate Modern?
You: Me neither. It’s apparently really good. We should check it out after work sometime in the next few weeks.
Her: Yeah, okay.
You: Great. Let me grab your number so we can coordinate.
The first thing that comes into a girl’s mind when you ask for her number is, “Why does he want my number?” By arranging a date you make your intentions clear and this makes asking for her number feel like a natural formality.
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Standard Number Close
If you don’t invite her on a date based on a common interest, you can use this standard number close.
While she’s still talking, pull out your phone and open it to the “new contact” screen, then extend your hand to give her your phone without saying anything. She’ll instinctively take the phone from your hand.
Now tell her that you’ve enjoyed chatting with her and that you’d like to see her again. She is more likely to give you her number if you give her a reason to, so try this:
Listen, I have to get going. It’s been great talking to you. Put your number in my phone and we can grab a drink or something to eat next week sometime.
Or you could try inviting her on a spontaneous date:
Hey, I was about to grab a coffee. You should join me, because I’m really enjoying talking to you.
Of course if she can’t join you for a spontaneous date, then ask what the best way to keep in touch with her is or tell her to punch her number in your phone so you can catch up with her at a more convenient time.
These solid number close techniques should be sufficient, but if you want more ideas, then check out this related post with 9 Good Ways to Ask a Girl for Her Number. Now let’s take a look at how to avoid the common mistakes guys make when asking for a girl’s number.
Remember, The Girl is the Prize
A lot of guys are too preoccupied with getting a girl’s number that they rush things failing to create enough comfort and ultimately ruin their chances with the girl.
Remember that just because a girl gives you her number, it’s no guarantee that she’ll go on a date with you. If you ask for her number before building a strong emotional connection, then you risk having her flake on you later.
If a girl doesn’t feel comfortable she might give you a fake number. Even if she does give you her real number, she still might have no intention to see you again. A lot of girls would rather ignore your calls than reject you to your face.
Don’t rush to get the number at the expense of losing the girl. Wait for signs that she likes you before asking for her number. A little extra work and patience up front can save you a lot of frustration later.
Be Patient, But Don’t Wait Too Long!
You don’t want to ask for her number too quickly, but that doesn’t mean that you should wait until conversation has dried up either.
You never want to ask for her number on an emotional low point. For example when things are winding down, she’s seeming bored, or she’s otherwise unengaged.
That’s because the moment you ask a girl for her phone number, she’s going to ask herself, “Do I want more of what I’m feeling right now?” If the answer is, “No, this is not that great” her answer to you will also be no. But if the answer is, “Yes, I feel really good” then her answer to you will also be yes.
So the best time to ask a girl for her number is when she seems comfortable around you, conversation is flowing easily, she’s contributing to conversation and you hit an emotional high point. If she’s laughing, hitting you playfully, or clearly having a good time then go ahead and get her number.
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Don’t Say “Can I Have Your Number?”
Notice that you’re not asking her for her number, but telling her to give it to you. This is a bigger deal than you might think. The more self-assured you are, the higher the likelihood that she’ll give you her number.
Remember, women get asked for their numbers all the time from guys who they are not interested in. So they have an uncomfortable knee-jerk reaction to the dreaded cliche question, “Can I have your number?”
By handing her your phone and telling her to put her number in there, you’re essentially asking for her number without having to use the dreaded cliche question. It also communicates to her subconsciously that you trust her.
It might sound a little odd, but research has proven that trusting someone to handle a personal possession like your phone makes them want to trust you more, making her more likely to give you her number.
Don’t Get Her Number and Run
Don’t end the conversation too abruptly after getting her number. This can give her the impression that you’re more interested in her number than in her.
Keep the conversation going for a while after you get her number to reassure her that you’re genuinely interested in her as a person and the phone number swap didn’t change anything or make things “weird” in any way.
If you waited for a high point in the conversation to ask for her number like you should have, it’s your responsibility to transition naturally back into conversation, naturally picking up on where you left off, “So you were saying…”
Don’t Be Too Surprised or Excited
Of course you’re going to be chuffed when she gives you her number, but be careful not to act overly surprised or excited because this will make you look less experienced with women, which could make her have second thoughts about you.
Remember that women are attracted to men that other women want. If you show too much excitement it means that her number is a big deal for you, which means that you probably haven’t succeeded at getting a girl’s number very many times before.
She’ll interpret this to mean that a lot of women don’t really want you, which will make her become less attracted to you. That’s the way women think so you have to keep cool and act like you’ve done this many times before, even if you haven’t.
Don’t Let Rejection Phase You
Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Some women won’t give you their number, and that’s okay. The trick is not to freak out if she doesn’t give you her number and if you do things right, you could even have her laughing.
You can do this by putting out your hand and saying, “Okay that’s five bucks.” When she asks you what you mean say, “You got to hang out with a cool guy like me, that’s five bucks.” The point here is to have fun, keep things lighthearted and don’t sweat it when she says no.
If she tells you that you doesn’t give her number to strangers, the real problem is that you didn’t build enough rapport with her and she is not sure that she can trust you. A response like this might help you to rescue the situation:
Yeah I get that, and that’s cool actually, because most girls give their number out too easily. So let’s add each other on Facebook, keep in touch, and if we feel like meeting sometime, then cool, if not, no biggie.
If she insists that you give her your number instead, feel free to give her your number, but keep in mind that she probably won’t call. Also if she gives you a fake number, rather than feeling resentment towards her, ask yourself what you could have done to make her feel more comfortable and learn from your mistakes.
Put Yourself In Her Shoes
You’ll experience different flake rates depending on the reason you give her for taking her number. Be sensitive to the fact that asking a girl out on a romantic dinner after a 5 minute conversation in Starbucks, puts a lot of pressure on her.
In order for her to agree to meet you alone at night for a romantic dinner at your home, not only will you need to have build a strong connection with her and made her feel safe in your company, but she will also need to feel attracted and intrigued by you.
If you haven’t had the time to establish a solid connection, you might be better off sticking with a lower pressure close like say, inviting her to join you at a cool party with her friends.
A good guideline here is to ask yourself what her friends would say to her when she tells them about you. Does she know enough about you and feel strongly enough for you to risk meeting up with you at the location you’ve suggested?
I hope you’ve found these tips for getting a girl’s number helpful. Follow these number close tips and you could have a hot date lined up a lot sooner than you imagined. The ball is in your court now, so get out there and take action!
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