How to Get a Girl’s Number the Right Way

How to get a girl's phone number

How to get a girl’s phone number

Most guys get ner­vous just think­ing about ask­ing a girl for her num­ber, but get­ting a girl’s num­ber doesn’t have to be hard. 

In this post we’ll take a look at how to get a girl’s num­ber and then I’ll clue you in on some of the com­mon mis­takes to avoid when mak­ing a num­ber close.  

First Build Com­fort and Attraction

Before ask­ing a girl for her phone num­ber, you should make her feel com­fort­able in your com­pany and con­nect with her on an emo­tional level. She needs to feel that she can trust you.

She should also be feel­ing some attrac­tion towards you. If she’s smil­ing, telling you things about her­self and ask­ing ques­tions about you, then she prob­a­bly won’t have any objec­tion to giv­ing you her number.  

Lead Into the Num­ber Close With Com­mon Interests

It’s eas­ier to get a girl’s num­ber and it feels more nat­ural if you’re able to iden­tify an activ­ity you could do together based on com­mon inter­ests. Sim­ple ques­tions like these can help you to estab­lish a connection:

  • What do you like to do when you’re not working?
  • What places do you like to go to in the evening?
  • What food do you like?

Here’s an exam­ple of a nat­ural way to lead into a num­ber close using one of these questions: 

You: So, what do you like to do when you’re not work­ing?
Her: Well, I’m into pho­tog­ra­phy.
You: That’s cool. Have you been to that new photo exhi­bi­tion at the Tate Mod­ern?
Her: No.
You: Me nei­ther. It’s appar­ently really good. We should check it out after work some­time in the next few weeks. 
Her: Yeah, okay.
You: Great. Let me grab your num­ber so we can coordinate.

The first thing that comes into a girl’s mind when you ask for her num­ber is, “Why does he want my num­ber?” By arrang­ing a date you make your inten­tions clear and this makes ask­ing for her num­ber feel like a nat­ural formality. 

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Stan­dard Num­ber Close

If you don’t invite her on a date based on a com­mon inter­est, you can use this stan­dard num­ber close. 

While she’s still talk­ing, pull out your phone and open it to the “new con­tact” screen, then extend your hand to give her your phone with­out say­ing any­thing. She’ll instinc­tively take the phone from your hand.

Now tell her that you’ve enjoyed chat­ting with her and that you’d like to see her again. She is more likely to give you her num­ber if you give her a rea­son to, so try this: 

Lis­ten, I have to get going. It’s been great talk­ing to you. Put your num­ber in my phone and we can grab a drink or some­thing to eat next week sometime.

Or you could try invit­ing her on a spon­ta­neous date:

Hey, I was about to grab a cof­fee. You should join me, because I’m really enjoy­ing talk­ing to you.

Of course if she can’t join you for a spon­ta­neous date, then ask what the best way to keep in touch with her is or tell her to punch her num­ber in your phone so you can catch up with her at a more con­ve­nient time. 

These solid num­ber close tech­niques should be suf­fi­cient, but if you want more ideas, then check out this related post with 9 Good Ways to Ask a Girl for Her Num­ber. Now let’s take a look at how to avoid the com­mon mis­takes guys make when ask­ing for a girl’s number.  

Remem­ber, The Girl is the Prize

A lot of guys are too pre­oc­cu­pied with get­ting a girl’s num­ber that they rush things fail­ing to cre­ate enough com­fort and ulti­mately ruin their chances with the girl.

Remem­ber that just because a girl gives you her num­ber, it’s no guar­an­tee that she’ll go on a date with you. If you ask for her num­ber before build­ing a strong emo­tional con­nec­tion, then you risk hav­ing her flake on you later. 

If a girl doesn’t feel com­fort­able she might give you a fake num­ber. Even if she does give you her real num­ber, she still might have no inten­tion to see you again. A lot of girls would rather ignore your calls than reject you to your face. 

Don’t rush to get the num­ber at the expense of los­ing the girl. Wait for signs that she likes you before ask­ing for her num­ber. A lit­tle extra work and patience up front can save you a lot of frus­tra­tion later.

Be Patient, But Don’t Wait Too Long!

You don’t want to ask for her num­ber too quickly, but that doesn’t mean that you should wait until con­ver­sa­tion has dried up either. 

You never want to ask for her num­ber on an emo­tional low point. For exam­ple when things are wind­ing down, she’s seem­ing bored, or she’s oth­er­wise unengaged. 

That’s because the moment you ask a girl for her phone num­ber, she’s going to ask her­self, “Do I want more of what I’m feel­ing right now?” If the answer is, “No, this is not that great” her answer to you will also be no. But if the answer is, “Yes, I feel really good” then her answer to you will also be yes.

So the best time to ask a girl for her num­ber is when she seems com­fort­able around you, con­ver­sa­tion is flow­ing eas­ily, she’s con­tribut­ing to con­ver­sa­tion and you hit an emo­tional high point. If she’s laugh­ing, hit­ting you play­fully, or clearly hav­ing a good time then go ahead and get her number. 

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Don’t Say “Can I Have Your Number?”

Notice that you’re not ask­ing her for her num­ber, but telling her to give it to you. This is a big­ger deal than you might think. The more self-assured you are, the higher the like­li­hood that she’ll give you her number.

Remem­ber, women get asked for their num­bers all the time from guys who they are not inter­ested in. So they have an uncom­fort­able knee-jerk reac­tion to the dreaded cliche ques­tion, “Can I have your number?”

By hand­ing her your phone and telling her to put her num­ber in there, you’re essen­tially ask­ing for her num­ber with­out hav­ing to use the dreaded cliche ques­tion. It also com­mu­ni­cates to her sub­con­sciously that you trust her.  

It might sound a lit­tle odd, but research has proven that trust­ing some­one to han­dle a per­sonal pos­ses­sion like your phone makes them want to trust you more, mak­ing her more likely to give you her number.  

Don’t Get Her Num­ber and Run

Don’t end the con­ver­sa­tion too abruptly after get­ting her num­ber. This can give her the impres­sion that you’re more inter­ested in her num­ber than in her.

Keep the con­ver­sa­tion going for a while after you get her num­ber to reas­sure her that you’re gen­uinely inter­ested in her as a per­son and the phone num­ber swap didn’t change any­thing or make things “weird” in any way.  

If you waited for a high point in the con­ver­sa­tion to ask for her num­ber like you should have, it’s your respon­si­bil­ity to tran­si­tion nat­u­rally back into con­ver­sa­tion, nat­u­rally pick­ing up on where you left off, “So you were saying…”

Don’t Be Too Sur­prised or Excited

Of course you’re going to be chuffed when she gives you her num­ber, but be care­ful not to act overly sur­prised or excited because this will make you look less expe­ri­enced with women, which could make her have sec­ond thoughts about you.

Remem­ber that women are attracted to men that other women want. If you show too much excite­ment it means that her num­ber is a big deal for you, which means that you prob­a­bly haven’t suc­ceeded at get­ting a girl’s num­ber very many times before.

She’ll inter­pret this to mean that a lot of women don’t really want you, which will make her become less attracted to you. That’s the way women think so you have to keep cool and act like you’ve done this many times before, even if you haven’t. 

Don’t Let Rejec­tion Phase You

Look, I’m not going to sug­ar­coat this. Some women won’t give you their num­ber, and that’s okay. The trick is not to freak out if she doesn’t give you her num­ber and if you do things right, you could even have her laughing. 

You can do this by putting out your hand and say­ing, “Okay that’s five bucks.” When she asks you what you mean say, “You got to hang out with a cool guy like me, that’s five bucks.” The point here is to have fun, keep things light­hearted and don’t sweat it when she says no.

If she tells you that you doesn’t give her num­ber to strangers, the real prob­lem is that you didn’t build enough rap­port with her and she is not sure that she can trust you. A response like this might help you to res­cue the situation:

Yeah I get that, and that’s cool actu­ally, because most girls give their num­ber out too eas­ily. So let’s add each other on Face­book, keep in touch, and if we feel like meet­ing some­time, then cool, if not, no biggie.

If she insists that you give her your num­ber instead, feel free to give her your num­ber, but keep in mind that she prob­a­bly won’t call. Also if she gives you a fake num­ber, rather than feel­ing resent­ment towards her, ask your­self what you could have done to make her feel more com­fort­able and learn from your mistakes.

Put Your­self In Her Shoes

You’ll expe­ri­ence dif­fer­ent flake rates depend­ing on the rea­son you give her for tak­ing her num­ber. Be sen­si­tive to the fact that ask­ing a girl out on a roman­tic din­ner after a 5 minute con­ver­sa­tion in Star­bucks, puts a lot of pres­sure on her. 

In order for her to agree to meet you alone at night for a roman­tic din­ner at your home, not only will you need to have build a strong con­nec­tion with her and made her feel safe in your com­pany, but she will also need to feel attracted and intrigued by you. 

If you haven’t had the time to estab­lish a solid con­nec­tion, you might be bet­ter off stick­ing with a lower pres­sure close like say, invit­ing her to join you at a cool party with her friends. 

A good guide­line here is to ask your­self what her friends would say to her when she tells them about you. Does she know enough about you and feel strongly enough for you to risk meet­ing up with you at the loca­tion you’ve suggested?    

Clos­ing Thoughts

I hope you’ve found these tips for get­ting a girl’s num­ber help­ful. Fol­low these num­ber close tips and you could have a hot date lined up a lot sooner than you imag­ined. The ball is in your court now, so get out there and take action!

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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

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