How to Make Conversation With a Girl

Attract women with these conversation skills

Attract women with these con­ver­sa­tion skills

Women tend to have bet­ter con­ver­sa­tion skills than men and have an eas­ier time mak­ing small talk. That said, it’s easy to improve your con­ver­sa­tion skills and learn how to make con­ver­sa­tion with a girl.

Just yes­ter­day my girl­friend was on the phone to a friend for 3 hours! Don’t ask me what they talked about for so long. It’s a girl thing and some­thing most guys will never understand.

Men tend to be more inter­ested in facts, and once they get them, they move on. Women, on the other hand, are inter­ested in emo­tions. They want to know how the facts and events make peo­ple feel, so they tend to dig a lit­tle deeper.

Irrel­e­vant of the nat­ural dif­fer­ences between how men and women make con­ver­sa­tion, the fact remains that women love a man with great con­ver­sa­tion skills. Men with the gift of the gab know how to con­nect with women emo­tion­ally and attract them with their charisma.

In this post, I’ll share some tips to improve your con­ver­sa­tion skills, so you too can be more attrac­tive to women.

Con­ver­sa­tion Skill #1) Listen to Her Answers

If you want to make con­ver­sa­tion with women you have to be a good lis­tener. Good con­ver­sa­tion­al­ists show respect for what other peo­ple have to say. They lis­ten actively, main­tain­ing relaxed eye con­tact and they don’t interrupt. This is old news, but some­thing many guys forget.

We’ve all been guilty of for­mu­lat­ing our next ques­tion with­out pay­ing atten­tion to the answer first. These con­ver­sa­tions lose their nat­ural flow and don’t reach their full poten­tial. By not pay­ing atten­tion to her response, you miss great oppor­tu­ni­ties for follow-up questions.

You can set your­self apart from the major­ity of men sim­ply by being a good lis­tener and bas­ing new ques­tions on her responses, so con­ver­sa­tion flows nat­u­rally. Also if you haven’t seen her for a while, it’s a great idea to bring up some­thing she men­tioned in your last meet­ing, to demon­strate that you really lis­tened to what she had to say.

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Con­ver­sa­tion Skill #2) Ask Open-Ended Questions

Another sim­ple yet highly effec­tive tip you can use to improve your con­ver­sa­tion skills is to learn to ask open-ended ques­tions that require an answer of more than one or two words. If you only ask ques­tions that can be answered with “Yes” or “No”, it leaves very lit­tle oppor­tu­nity for your con­ver­sa­tion part­ner to share per­sonal infor­ma­tion about herself.

Open-ended ques­tions are use­ful in estab­lish­ing rap­port because they help you to iden­tify mutual inter­ests and shared opin­ions. Remem­ber that like attracts like. This means that peo­ple nat­u­rally feel more com­fort­able with peo­ple they have things in com­mon with and com­fort is a stepping-stone to attraction.

Start more ques­tions with “What…” “How…” and “Why…” So instead of ask­ing, “Did you enjoy the class today?” ask “What did you think of the class?” To get more infor­ma­tion you can fol­low up with “Why…” or “How…” for exam­ple, “Why do you feel that way?”

Con­ver­sa­tion Skill #3) Give Expanded Responses

One of the most impor­tant con­ver­sa­tion skills you can adopt to make engag­ing con­ver­sa­tions with women, is to learn to give expanded responses. Too many guys make the mis­take of giv­ing one word answers with­out elab­o­rat­ing and then they won­der why the con­ver­sa­tion runs dry. Don’t expect her to do all the work.

Two of the most com­mon ques­tions that a woman will ask if she’s inter­ested in find­ing out more about you are “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” These ques­tions are a great sign and should trig­ger a green light in your head.

This girl is show­ing an inter­est in you, so don’t blow it by respond­ing with only the name of the city or your job title and then let the con­ver­sa­tion fall into awk­ward silence as you wait for her to ask a fol­low up question.

Learn a few engag­ing facts about your home­town that your con­ver­sa­tion part­ners can com­ment on. You’ll find plenty just by check­ing Wikipedia. Then when she asks you where you’re from, expand your answer with inter­est­ing tid­bits of infor­ma­tion. She’ll think you’re a great con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist for mak­ing it easy for her to con­tinue the con­ver­sa­tion in a nat­ural way, and it also gives her insight into your per­son­al­ity and interests.

Here’s an exam­ple of what I mean

I’ll give you short extract of a con­ver­sa­tion and then I’ll break it down for you:

Her: Where are you from?

Me: I’m from Dur­ban, the sunny, mul­ti­cul­tural, surfers par­adise on the east­ern coast of South Africa. Have you been to Durban?

Her: No, I’ve never vis­ited South Africa.

Me: If you like the sun­shine and the great out­doors, you should def­i­nitely visit some­time. Dur­ban is the third largest city in South Africa and has an excel­lent cli­mate, so it’s very pop­u­lar with sun wor­ship­pers and surfers. It’s also great to use as a base if you want to go on safari or go hik­ing in the moun­tains.

Her: …

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Let’s take a closer look at the con­ver­sa­tion above: 

In my first response, I could have just said that I’m from Dur­ban or South Africa and left it at that, but instead I elab­o­rated with some addi­tional infor­ma­tion about the city.

If she hadn’t heard of Dur­ban before, she now knows that it’s a sunny, mul­ti­cul­tural city that is pop­u­lar with surfers and she has an idea where it’s located. I then elab­o­rated about some of the inter­est­ing things to do in and around the city.

Not only does my answer tell her more about Dur­ban, it also gives her insights about my per­son­al­ity and inter­ests. Based on my pos­i­tive and upbeat descrip­tion of my home town, she’ll cor­rectly assume that I enjoy the beach and out­door activities.

At the same time, I’m giv­ing her “bait” to con­tinue the con­ver­sa­tion with me, and she gets to choose what direc­tion she wants to steer the con­ver­sa­tion based on her own inter­ests or pre­vi­ous experiences.

The con­ver­sa­tion could many ways from here:

  • She may have heard South Africa be described as the “rain­bow nation”, in which case she could pick up on my bait about Dur­ban being mul­ti­cul­tural and want to know more about the eth­nic mix in Dur­ban. This would give me an oppor­tu­nity to talk about the large Zulu and Indian com­mu­ni­ties, which could later lead to a con­ver­sa­tion about how I landed up there, giv­ing me an oppor­tu­nity to share more about myself.
  • My com­ment about Dur­ban being the third largest city in South Africa might pique her inter­est to know what the biggest cities are. This could lead to us chat­ting about Cape Town, Table Moun­tain, wine tast­ing, nightlife and me find­ing out what music she’s into. If we dis­cover that we have sim­i­lar music tastes, this might get us talk­ing about good local bars and clubs, and per­haps even arrang­ing to meet up for a drink together sometime.
  • Based on me harp­ing on about the excel­lent cli­mate, she might com­plain about the cold win­ters in Europe, to which I can respond by remind­ing her about the great win­ter sports like ski­ing and snow­board­ing, which we don’t have in South Africa. This could lead us to dis­cov­er­ing that we both enjoy snow­board­ing, and we could exchange tips about good local ski resorts or even decide to go together sometime.
  • On the other hand, she might ask me what I’m doing in Europe when South Africa sounds so idyl­lic. By shar­ing my per­sonal story about how I came to live in Europe, she’ll feel that she’s get­ting to know me as a per­son and it’ll give her lots of oppor­tu­nity to tell me about her own story, allow­ing us to share expe­ri­ences and con­nect on an emo­tional level.
  • Based on my com­ment about the beach, she might tell me how she loves the beach and let me know about her beach hol­i­day in Thai­land. I’d be envi­ous of her island hop­ping adven­tures and tell her how much I love Thai food. Oh, she does too, that’s a coin­ci­dence, per­haps we should grab some Thai food together some­time. By the way, I know this really great Thai restaurant…
  • Based on my com­ment about surfers, she might want to know if I’m a cool dude surfer, to which I’ll humbly admit that I’m not. But I’ll be sure to let her know that I enjoy wind­surf­ing and sail­ing. And I might go on to tell her about my recent wind­surf­ing hol­i­day in North­ern Italy or about an excit­ing sail­ing trip that I did once with my family.

This is with­out even get­ting into all the great con­ver­sa­tions we could have about African safaris and moun­tain hik­ing, but I think you get the point.

By elab­o­rat­ing and even “ram­bling” a lit­tle, I can drop bait for her to branch the con­ver­sa­tion in the direc­tion that most inter­ests her. At the same time, I can estab­lish rap­port and emo­tion­ally con­nect with her by shar­ing per­sonal sto­ries about myself.

Remem­ber what I said at the begin­ning of this arti­cle, woman love emo­tions and by expand­ing on your answers you allow her to dig for the juicy stuff. In typ­i­cal man fash­ion, too many guys make the mis­take of sim­ply stat­ing the facts in as few words as pos­si­ble. This makes it hard for her to demon­strate what a great con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist she is by ask­ing follow-up ques­tions based on your responses.

Does it always work? 

Of course, she might just say, “Oh, that’s nice”, which doesn’t allow me to go off on any of these con­ver­sa­tional tan­gents. In this case I have two options, I could con­tinue ram­bling, either about South Africa or another topic in the hope she takes my bait the next time, I could ask her an open-ended ques­tion (dis­cussed above), or I could do a cold read­ing.

So no, it won’t always work, but if you make a habit of expand­ing on your answers, chances are it will eventually. The man in you will want to resist the temp­ta­tion to ram­ble, but espe­cially in the begin­ning of a con­ver­sa­tion, while you’re still get­ting to know each other, it’s very helpful.

Ram­bling allows you to hint at inter­est­ing things about your­self, gives her options for con­tin­u­ing the con­ver­sa­tion, and helps you to iden­tify com­mon inter­ests, estab­lish rap­port and an emo­tional con­nec­tion, which ulti­mately builds attraction.

Con­ver­sa­tion Skill #4) Let Her Do Most of the Talking 

In the begin­ning of a con­ver­sa­tion you should be pre­pared to do more of the talking. As the con­ver­sa­tion pro­gresses and you’ve suc­cess­fully gained rap­port with your con­ver­sa­tion part­ner, then it’s a good sign if she’s doing most of the talk­ing and you’re doing most of the listening.

If she likes you and is a good con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist, like most women are, she’ll give you expanded answers to your ques­tions mak­ing it easy for you to con­tinue the con­ver­sa­tion based on her responses. Look for oppor­tu­ni­ties to tell her things about your­self based on the infor­ma­tion she shares with you, but don’t inter­rupt her because women love a great listener.

Iron­i­cally, the more oppor­tu­nity you give peo­ple to talk about them­selves, the more inter­est­ing they will find you!

Clos­ing Thoughts

The more infor­ma­tion you’re pre­pared to share about your­self, the more com­fort­able she’ll feel open­ing up to you. The more you elab­o­rate on your answers, the higher the like­li­hood that you’ll quickly stum­ble upon a topic of shared inter­est to build rap­port and that emo­tional con­nec­tion that sparks real attraction.

So from now on, even when a girl asks you a mun­dane ques­tion that can eas­ily be answered with one word, try to expand your response to dis­close some­thing about your­self and prac­tice those lis­ten­ing skills and you’ll be mak­ing con­ver­sa­tion with women like a pro!

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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

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