Women tend to have better conversation skills than men and have an easier time making small talk. That said, it’s easy to improve your conversation skills and learn how to make conversation with a girl.
Just yesterday my girlfriend was on the phone to a friend for 3 hours! Don’t ask me what they talked about for so long. It’s a girl thing and something most guys will never understand.
Men tend to be more interested in facts, and once they get them, they move on. Women, on the other hand, are interested in emotions. They want to know how the facts and events make people feel, so they tend to dig a little deeper.
Irrelevant of the natural differences between how men and women make conversation, the fact remains that women love a man with great conversation skills. Men with the gift of the gab know how to connect with women emotionally and attract them with their charisma.
In this post, I’ll share some tips to improve your conversation skills, so you too can be more attractive to women.
Conversation Skill #1) Listen to Her Answers
If you want to make conversation with women you have to be a good listener. Good conversationalists show respect for what other people have to say. They listen actively, maintaining relaxed eye contact and they don’t interrupt. This is old news, but something many guys forget.
We’ve all been guilty of formulating our next question without paying attention to the answer first. These conversations lose their natural flow and don’t reach their full potential. By not paying attention to her response, you miss great opportunities for follow-up questions.
You can set yourself apart from the majority of men simply by being a good listener and basing new questions on her responses, so conversation flows naturally. Also if you haven’t seen her for a while, it’s a great idea to bring up something she mentioned in your last meeting, to demonstrate that you really listened to what she had to say.
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Conversation Skill #2) Ask Open-Ended Questions
Another simple yet highly effective tip you can use to improve your conversation skills is to learn to ask open-ended questions that require an answer of more than one or two words. If you only ask questions that can be answered with “Yes” or “No”, it leaves very little opportunity for your conversation partner to share personal information about herself.
Open-ended questions are useful in establishing rapport because they help you to identify mutual interests and shared opinions. Remember that like attracts like. This means that people naturally feel more comfortable with people they have things in common with and comfort is a stepping-stone to attraction.
Start more questions with “What…” “How…” and “Why…” So instead of asking, “Did you enjoy the class today?” ask “What did you think of the class?” To get more information you can follow up with “Why…” or “How…” for example, “Why do you feel that way?”
Conversation Skill #3) Give Expanded Responses
One of the most important conversation skills you can adopt to make engaging conversations with women, is to learn to give expanded responses. Too many guys make the mistake of giving one word answers without elaborating and then they wonder why the conversation runs dry. Don’t expect her to do all the work.
Two of the most common questions that a woman will ask if she’s interested in finding out more about you are “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” These questions are a great sign and should trigger a green light in your head.
This girl is showing an interest in you, so don’t blow it by responding with only the name of the city or your job title and then let the conversation fall into awkward silence as you wait for her to ask a follow up question.
Learn a few engaging facts about your hometown that your conversation partners can comment on. You’ll find plenty just by checking Wikipedia. Then when she asks you where you’re from, expand your answer with interesting tidbits of information. She’ll think you’re a great conversationalist for making it easy for her to continue the conversation in a natural way, and it also gives her insight into your personality and interests.
Here’s an example of what I mean
I’ll give you short extract of a conversation and then I’ll break it down for you:
Her: Where are you from?
Me: I’m from Durban, the sunny, multicultural, surfers paradise on the eastern coast of South Africa. Have you been to Durban?
Her: No, I’ve never visited South Africa.
Me: If you like the sunshine and the great outdoors, you should definitely visit sometime. Durban is the third largest city in South Africa and has an excellent climate, so it’s very popular with sun worshippers and surfers. It’s also great to use as a base if you want to go on safari or go hiking in the mountains.
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Let’s take a closer look at the conversation above:
In my first response, I could have just said that I’m from Durban or South Africa and left it at that, but instead I elaborated with some additional information about the city.
If she hadn’t heard of Durban before, she now knows that it’s a sunny, multicultural city that is popular with surfers and she has an idea where it’s located. I then elaborated about some of the interesting things to do in and around the city.
Not only does my answer tell her more about Durban, it also gives her insights about my personality and interests. Based on my positive and upbeat description of my home town, she’ll correctly assume that I enjoy the beach and outdoor activities.
At the same time, I’m giving her “bait” to continue the conversation with me, and she gets to choose what direction she wants to steer the conversation based on her own interests or previous experiences.
The conversation could many ways from here:
- She may have heard South Africa be described as the “rainbow nation”, in which case she could pick up on my bait about Durban being multicultural and want to know more about the ethnic mix in Durban. This would give me an opportunity to talk about the large Zulu and Indian communities, which could later lead to a conversation about how I landed up there, giving me an opportunity to share more about myself.
- My comment about Durban being the third largest city in South Africa might pique her interest to know what the biggest cities are. This could lead to us chatting about Cape Town, Table Mountain, wine tasting, nightlife and me finding out what music she’s into. If we discover that we have similar music tastes, this might get us talking about good local bars and clubs, and perhaps even arranging to meet up for a drink together sometime.
- Based on me harping on about the excellent climate, she might complain about the cold winters in Europe, to which I can respond by reminding her about the great winter sports like skiing and snowboarding, which we don’t have in South Africa. This could lead us to discovering that we both enjoy snowboarding, and we could exchange tips about good local ski resorts or even decide to go together sometime.
- On the other hand, she might ask me what I’m doing in Europe when South Africa sounds so idyllic. By sharing my personal story about how I came to live in Europe, she’ll feel that she’s getting to know me as a person and it’ll give her lots of opportunity to tell me about her own story, allowing us to share experiences and connect on an emotional level.
- Based on my comment about the beach, she might tell me how she loves the beach and let me know about her beach holiday in Thailand. I’d be envious of her island hopping adventures and tell her how much I love Thai food. Oh, she does too, that’s a coincidence, perhaps we should grab some Thai food together sometime. By the way, I know this really great Thai restaurant…
- Based on my comment about surfers, she might want to know if I’m a cool dude surfer, to which I’ll humbly admit that I’m not. But I’ll be sure to let her know that I enjoy windsurfing and sailing. And I might go on to tell her about my recent windsurfing holiday in Northern Italy or about an exciting sailing trip that I did once with my family.
This is without even getting into all the great conversations we could have about African safaris and mountain hiking, but I think you get the point.
By elaborating and even “rambling” a little, I can drop bait for her to branch the conversation in the direction that most interests her. At the same time, I can establish rapport and emotionally connect with her by sharing personal stories about myself.
Remember what I said at the beginning of this article, woman love emotions and by expanding on your answers you allow her to dig for the juicy stuff. In typical man fashion, too many guys make the mistake of simply stating the facts in as few words as possible. This makes it hard for her to demonstrate what a great conversationalist she is by asking follow-up questions based on your responses.
Does it always work?
Of course, she might just say, “Oh, that’s nice”, which doesn’t allow me to go off on any of these conversational tangents. In this case I have two options, I could continue rambling, either about South Africa or another topic in the hope she takes my bait the next time, I could ask her an open-ended question (discussed above), or I could do a cold reading.
So no, it won’t always work, but if you make a habit of expanding on your answers, chances are it will eventually. The man in you will want to resist the temptation to ramble, but especially in the beginning of a conversation, while you’re still getting to know each other, it’s very helpful.
Rambling allows you to hint at interesting things about yourself, gives her options for continuing the conversation, and helps you to identify common interests, establish rapport and an emotional connection, which ultimately builds attraction.
Conversation Skill #4) Let Her Do Most of the Talking
In the beginning of a conversation you should be prepared to do more of the talking. As the conversation progresses and you’ve successfully gained rapport with your conversation partner, then it’s a good sign if she’s doing most of the talking and you’re doing most of the listening.
If she likes you and is a good conversationalist, like most women are, she’ll give you expanded answers to your questions making it easy for you to continue the conversation based on her responses. Look for opportunities to tell her things about yourself based on the information she shares with you, but don’t interrupt her because women love a great listener.
Ironically, the more opportunity you give people to talk about themselves, the more interesting they will find you!
The more information you’re prepared to share about yourself, the more comfortable she’ll feel opening up to you. The more you elaborate on your answers, the higher the likelihood that you’ll quickly stumble upon a topic of shared interest to build rapport and that emotional connection that sparks real attraction.
So from now on, even when a girl asks you a mundane question that can easily be answered with one word, try to expand your response to disclose something about yourself and practice those listening skills and you’ll be making conversation with women like a pro!
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