Women are sick of boring conversations with men. They’re tired of answering the same questions over and over. If you can be different from other guys when you talk to a girl, you’ll stand out and build attraction quickly.
We’ve already talked about funny conversation starters, improving conversation skills and avoiding awkward silences, but a lot of guys want to know how to talk to a girl you like without sounding like everyone else. And how do you create that sense of comfort and connection that women find so irresistible in a man?
Practice “Cold Reading” When Talking to Girls
Often girls are approached and then immediately bombarded with questions. Exchanges with men often feel more like an interview or a game of 20 questions, leading to boring and shallow conversations that are quickly forgotten.
Talking in statements rather than questions, is one easy way to spice up your interactions with women and ensure that your conversation is memorable. “Cold reading” is when you make an assumption or an educated guess about what she does, where she’s from or about her interests instead of asking her directly.
“Hey, let me guess… you’re from Brazil, right?” is more interesting than asking where she’s from directly, and “You look like a creative person. I bet you’re job is interesting.” is a more engaging way of finding out what she does for a living.
We all get bored with answering the same questions and for attractive girls who get approached often, it’s a real turn-off. So next time you’re talking to a girl you like, challenge yourself to get the answer you want without asking the question. Don’t worry, it’s a lot easier than it sounds.
Attract beautiful girls without acting fake,
following a complicated system, or being creepy!
Click Here for my Free Seduction eCourse
The best thing about cold reading is that you can’t fail. You’ll find out what you want, but the conversation will be much more interesting for her because you’re adding value by letting her know the impression she makes on you. This works a treat because the only thing people love more than talking about themselves, is hearing about themselves.
Only one of three things can happen when you use a statement to make a prediction about her:
- You’ll be wrong, and she’ll correct you. She’ll basically just answer the question you based your cold read on, ignoring that you were wrong.
- You’ll be wrong, and she’ll ask you what made you think that. Your guess will make her curious about what you observed in her, leading to a deeper and more personal conversation.
- You’ll be right, and she’ll be blown away by your intuition. Not only will this impress her but it’ll also generate immediate rapport, making her very keen to continue the conversation with you.
To show how this works in practice, here’s a cold reading together with three example responses based on Mark Manson’s book Models: Attract Women Through Honesty:
You: You look a bit bookish. You must be a student around here.
Her (if you’re wrong): No, I’m not. I’m a dental hygienist. But I do love to read, though.
Her (intrigued by your guess): No. What made you think that? Is it my glasses? I just got them.
Her (impressed by your intuition): Yeah, I am! Wow, how did you know? Am I that easy to read?
Cold reading is also a simple way to initiate conversations. For example, at a concert you could say, “Let me guess, you’ve been a fan since before they made it big.” This is a disguised complement since it tells her that she seems like a music insider. In a coffee shop cold reading can be a relaxed and non-threatening way to break the ice, “Hey, I’m just curious… are you from Italy?”
Of course you’ll still have to ask questions to keep the conversation going, but don’t be afraid to take guesses and make predictions about her. Not only does this make conversations more fun, but something amazing happens when you cold read a woman: she’ll start asking YOU questions. She’ll find herself wanting to know more about you and this interest is the first step in building attraction.
What to Talk About With a Girl
Many guys are unsure of what to talk about with a girl. They want to plan all the topics to talk about ahead of time, which only leads to unnatural and stifled conversations. When it comes down to it, there are only really two subjects of conversation when talking to a girl: her and you.
Everything the two of you talk about should in some way reveal your identity to each other. It’s this opening up and sharing of your identity that creates the sense of bonding and connection that is crucial for real attraction. The greater the emotional connection, the more attracted to you she’ll become.
Here are the three steps required to connect with a girl you like:
- Be open about yourself, without lying or boasting
- Get her to open up about herself
- Relate to her experience on an emotional level
She wants to know who YOU are. If you are happy with who you are, and don’t strain to impress or show off, she will pick up on this and it will be enough to make her feel comfortable with you.
I discuss these steps in more detail below, but rest assured that as long as you are willing to talk about yourself and your feelings in a sincere and genuine way, you don’t have to worry about planning things to talk about with a girl in advance.
“Open Up” When Talking With a Girl
Most guys have have a hard time opening up and talking honestly about their feelings, desires, fears and insecurities, especially when they’re talking to a girl they like. I know how intimidating it can be, but it’s essential if you want to move past shallow conversation and create a real emotional connection with a woman.
Guys tend to feel more comfortable focusing attention away from themselves by talking about things like: sports, politics, cars, movies, girls etc. They falsely believe that being a man means not showing weakness or vulnerability, failing to acknowledge that it takes considerable courage to talk frankly about these kind of things.
Women on the other hand prefer to focus inwardly and only feel truly engaged when they are talking about themselves (or each other) and their emotions. This is why gossip, drama and people watching are so irresistible to women.
This very important difference in the way men and women communicate results in an emotional divide that can only be bridged by a man who is daring enough to expose his true feelings, fears and insecurities. Most men try to portray a facade of perfection when talking to a girl they like, but what they fail to realize is that women are attracted to a man’s rough edges. Most guys fail to see vulnerability as a form of power.
A man who’s able to make himself vulnerable is saying to the world, “I don’t care what you think of me; this is who I am, and I refuse to be anyone else.”
Provided you show that you don’t live your life in perpetual fear, there is great strength in vulnerability. It demonstrates that you’re not needy and proves to her that you’re a high status man, instantly increasing your attractiveness.
This is why opening up and exposing your true identity is so effective at creating a connection and escalating attraction. When you share something personal about yourself, it will be genuine and she’ll immediately respond to that by being genuine herself.
Here are some conversation topics that will help her get to know the real you:
- Your passions and the things you most enjoy doing
- Your dreams, ambitions, life goals and also your fears
- The best/worst things that have happened to you
- Your childhood, family life and upbringing
It’s likely that these topics will make you feel uneasy, because they force you to expose your true self, but that’s exactly the point. These are the things that define us as human beings and make us unique. By sharing this type of information when talking with a girl you like, you’ll stand out from all the other guys she talks to.
Remember that you have nothing to lose by opening up to a girl. At worse she’ll reject you, but she’ll probably do that anyway if you only talk about your job, sports or politics. By talking sincerely about your passions, ambitions and unique experiences, the conversation becomes more meaningful.
She’ll appreciate your honesty and will be much more likely to openly share her own feelings and experiences with you. (For more related information check out Mark Manson’s insightful post on the power of vulnerability.)
How to meet, date and attract beautiful girls
even if you’re not naturally good with women!
Click Here for my Free Seduction eCourse
Relate to Her Experiences on an Emotional Level
Talking openly and honestly about yourself will encourage her to share personal information about herself. This is your opportunity to really connect with her by relating to her experiences to build trust and rapport.
Whenever she shares something new about herself, ask yourself what it tells you about her emotions, motivations and character traits and formulate questions to explore these personal characteristics in more detail.
Most guys totally miss the opportunity to dig deeper and find out the reasons behind her decisions and actions, how things make her feel and what her actions tell you about her personality and values.
This kind of information is gold when it comes to establishing a real connection. You can get to know a girl surprisingly well and in a very short time by keeping the following three questions in mind whenever she shares new information about herself:
- How does that make her feel?
- Why would she do that?
- What type of person does that?
For example, imagine a girl you meet telling you that she moved to the U.S. to become a dancer.
Most guys would find that interesting, but then go on to ask her something mundane like if she likes the U.S., completely missing the opportunity to engage her in a conversation about her emotions and motivations, which is what women love talking about more than anything.
By keeping the above three questions in mind you might say something like, “Wow. That’s really brave and adventurous of you. I bet leaving your country was exciting, but it must have also been scary for you. How did it make you feel leaving your family and friends behind to pursue your dancing career here in the U.S.?”
Can you see how this kind of a response would result in a more engaging conversation than, “So, do you like the U.S.?”
I simply ask myself what her moving to the U.S. to become a dancer tells me about her emotions, motivations and character traits. I then engage her in a conversation to explore these ideas in more depth.
- By asking myself “How does that make her feel?” and imagining myself in her situation I assume she must have felt a mix of excitement (at the new opportunities), loneliness (leaving friends and family behind) and fear (of failure and the unknown) etc.
- By asking myself “Why would she do that?” I take a guess at her motivations, which I could ask her about directly. Perhaps she has limited opportunities in her home country, perhaps she is trying to earn money to help support her family, or perhaps she’s pursuing a lifelong dream of becoming a professional dancer. All of these things make much more personal and interesting conversation than a yes/no answer about whether she likes the U.S..
- By asking myself “What type of person does that?” I try to uncover her personality traits. As a dancer I might assume that she’s expressive, creative and committed. She is probably also adventurous and ambitious (moving abroad to pursue her career). By exploring these ideas in my conversation with her I give her the opportunity to open up and connect with on a personal and emotional level.
Even if you’ve never been in a similar situation to the one she describes, it’s not that hard to relate to what another person might feel because we all share the same basic set of emotions.
I hope this post has given you some helpful ideas on how to talk to a girl to quickly establish an emotional connection and build lasting attraction. These tips can be used to talk to girls at parties, bars, in coffee shops, at the gym or wherever you like. Discover the power of these suggestions for yourself the next time you talk with a girl you like and be sure to let me know how you get on in the comments below.
Then check out my Seduction eCourse — It’s Free!