How to Keep a Conversation Going Without Awkward Silences

How to keep the conversation going

Dis­cover how to keep the con­ver­sa­tion going

Is there any­thing (besides sex) that is more excit­ing than hav­ing a great con­ver­sa­tion with a woman? You know, when you feel like the two of you really con­nect. You’re prac­ti­cally fin­ish­ing each other’s sen­tences when…

Ugh. There’s that awk­ward silence again!

As you sit there wrack­ing your brain for some­thing to say, you can lit­er­ally feel the momen­tum slip­ping away from the inter­ac­tion. Worse yet, the more awk­ward silences, the more awk­ward things you say like…

So, how about this weather huh?”

Did I really just say that? I’m such an idiot,” you think to your­self. Nobody is immune to uncom­fort­able silences so don’t beat your­self up about it. Instead, let’s explore some tech­niques to keep a con­ver­sa­tion going.

Par­rot­ing” Helps Keep Con­ver­sa­tion Going

The next time you’re stuck for some­thing to say, like a par­rot sim­ply repeat the last few words your con­ver­sa­tion part­ner says. This prompts her for more detail putting the ball right back in her court. Then all you need to do is listen.

For exam­ple, if she says “Most of my courses went well, but the last one was really dif­fi­cult.” You could sim­ply reply, “Dif­fi­cult?” This invites her to explain why she strug­gled with the course.

If she says that she really likes a film and then stops talk­ing, you could repeat “You really liked it?” as a prompt for her to elab­o­rate about what she liked.

Par­rot­ing is a sim­ple yet sur­pris­ingly effec­tive way of dis­cov­er­ing a person’s true feel­ings and is used by sales peo­ple all the time to under­stand a customer’s real objections. Don’t under­es­ti­mate the power of this sim­ple tech­nique in get­ting a girl to open up and emo­tion­ally con­nect with you.

As long as you remain focused, main­tain good eye-contact, nod your head and encour­age her to con­tinue, she will enjoy keep­ing the con­ver­sa­tion going with you. In fact, she will con­sider you an atten­tive lis­tener and even a great con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist, despite you not hav­ing said much.

Attract beau­ti­ful girls with­out act­ing fake,
fol­low­ing a com­pli­cated sys­tem, or being creepy!
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Ask­ing “Why?” Builds a Deeper Connection

As guys we’re pretty for­tu­nate in that women like to talk. So if you play your cards right, you really don’t have to do as much of the work in a con­ver­sa­tion. You just have to know how to ask the right ques­tions and to be a good lis­tener.

The bet­ter a lis­tener you are and the more inter­ested you are in what she has to say, the more com­fort­able she’ll be talk­ing to you. In fact, if you get her com­fort­able enough con­ver­sa­tion will flow eas­ily and you won’t have to worry about uncom­fort­able silences.

The key is ask­ing ques­tions that relate to what she is talk­ing about. If she’s telling you about some­thing she likes, ask her why she likes it. If it’s some­thing she doesn’t like, ask her a why she doesn’t like it.

Ask­ing “why” helps you get to a root of a person’s char­ac­ter and under­stand them at a deeper level. The more you do this, the more she’ll open up to you telling you things that you can ask her more ques­tions about.

One Word Answers Kill Conversation

Don’t make the com­mon mis­take of giv­ing her mono­syl­labic answers. If she asks you a ques­tion, don’t be afraid to open up to her by giv­ing her a good solid and detailed answer. Usually, the more open you are with some­one, the more open they are going to be with you, and the freer con­ver­sa­tion is going to flow.

When talk­ing to some­one you’ve just met it’s almost inevitable that you’ll be asked where you’re from or what you do for a liv­ing. It’s easy to answer in one word or sen­tence “I“m from San Diego” or “I’m a web designer,” but this doesn’t help you keep the con­ver­sa­tion going because it forces her to carry the conversation.

Resist the temp­ta­tion to give sim­ple one or two word answers. Flesh out your answers by adding details and insights about your­self. This adds to the con­ver­sa­tion, helps you to iden­tify com­mon inter­ests and invites participation.

An expanded response might be, “I grew up in San Diego but accepted a job in New York 3 years ago. I’m enjoy­ing the hus­tle and bus­tle of life in the Big Apple. How about you?“or “I’m a free­lance web designer. I’m help­ing to design an online dat­ing web­site, which has been fun. Work­ing on dif­fer­ent projects keeps things inter­est­ing for me and I like the flex­i­bil­ity of free­lance work. What about you?”

Avoid the Quick “Me Too” and “I Did That Too”

When­ever she men­tions a com­mon inter­est or expe­ri­ence, instead of jump­ing in with a breath­less “Hey, me too!”,  “I do that too” or “I know all about that”, let her fin­ish talk­ing about it. Then casu­ally men­tion you share her inter­est. The longer you wait to reveal it, the more impressed she’ll be.

It’s a bond­ing expe­ri­ence when you dis­cover that you have some­thing in com­mon with the girl you’re talk­ing to. How­ever, being a good lis­tener can make the expe­ri­ence much bet­ter rather than you jump­ing in exclaim­ing your com­mon inter­est too quickly.

Here’s an exam­ple, if you’ve been to Mex­ico and the girl you’re talk­ing to starts telling you about a great hol­i­day she had there, hold back from say­ing “I’ve been to Mex­ico too.” Let her con­tinue her story describ­ing the sights, peo­ple, atmos­phere and places she vis­ited as you lis­ten attentively.

This helps keep the con­ver­sa­tion going because she won’t cut her­self off pre­ma­turely wor­ried that she might be bor­ing you after she finds out that you’ve also been to Mexico. Wait a while before you casu­ally men­tion that you have a des­ti­na­tion in common.

If she asks why you didn’t men­tion it sooner, say you were enjoy­ing her descrip­tions and wanted to hear her fin­ish. She’ll prob­a­bly smile before ask­ing you about your expe­ri­ence, and the two of you can con­tinue the con­ver­sa­tion based on your shared expe­ri­ence or interest.

Hold­ing back with “Me too” sets you apart from the major­ity of guys who rush in to announce their shared inter­est because they’re hun­gry to make a quick con­nec­tion. By not doing the same, you come across as more con­fi­dent and less con­cerned about impress­ing her, which per­haps iron­i­cally is sure to impress her.

Attract beau­ti­ful girls with­out phony rou­tines,
cheesy pick up lines or hav­ing to fake it!
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Arm Your­self With The Lat­est News

One of the best ways to boost your con­ver­sa­tional con­fi­dence is to lis­ten to the news or scan a news­pa­per before going to a party or on a date. Anything that hap­pened today is good backup mate­r­ial that might be help­ful in keep­ing the con­ver­sa­tion going with­out resort­ing to talk­ing about the weather.

No mat­ter what crowd you’re cir­cu­lat­ing in, it pays to know what’s hap­pen­ing right now in the world. It might not sound sexy, but know­ing about the fires, floods, air dis­as­ters, top­pled gov­ern­ments and stock mar­ket crashes is great con­ver­sa­tional fodder.

Being armed with the lat­est news will help you to avoid awk­ward silences and make an informed and edu­cated impression. Knowing the big news of the moment is also a defen­sive move that res­cues you from hav­ing to ask what everybody’s talk­ing about.

Make Con­ver­sa­tion About Awk­ward Silences

The tips above will help you to keep the con­ver­sa­tion going, but even the best con­ver­sa­tion­al­ists aren’t able to avoid uncom­fort­able moments entirely. So here are a few ques­tions to keep the con­ver­sa­tion going when an awk­ward moment strikes.

You could turn the awk­ward silence into a topic of dis­cus­sion by ask­ing her…

Ever won­der what makes an awk­ward silence so awkward?

When you think about it, it’s actu­ally a pretty fas­ci­nat­ing ques­tion and one that you could prob­a­bly build an inter­est­ing con­ver­sa­tion around. This could even give you an oppor­tu­nity to learn more about her personality.

You could also ask…

You know how you can really tell that you know some­one? (Wait for her to answer) When the silences become com­fort­able between you. Have you ever noticed that?

Again this may spark an inter­est­ing con­ver­sa­tion giv­ing you the oppor­tu­nity to get to know her better. You’ll find that uncom­fort­able silences are less awk­ward when some­one points them out. By mak­ing the uncom­fort­able silence a part of the con­ver­sa­tion, you’ll auto­mat­i­cally make it less threatening.

I sug­gest you ask these ques­tions with peo­ple you know to get a few view­points that you can share when you start the con­ver­sa­tion with your date. Having these ques­tions up your sleeve is sure to make awk­ward silences less intim­i­dat­ing for you and who knows, by fol­low­ing the other con­ver­sa­tional tips you might not even get to use them.

Thanks for read­ing and I hope you found this post help­ful. Please go ahead and share your thoughts about keep­ing a con­ver­sa­tion going and avoid­ing awk­ward silences in the com­ments below.


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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →

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