Is there anything (besides sex) that is more exciting than having a great conversation with a woman? You know, when you feel like the two of you really connect. You’re practically finishing each other’s sentences when…
Ugh. There’s that awkward silence again!
As you sit there wracking your brain for something to say, you can literally feel the momentum slipping away from the interaction. Worse yet, the more awkward silences, the more awkward things you say like…
“So, how about this weather huh?”
“Did I really just say that? I’m such an idiot,” you think to yourself. Nobody is immune to uncomfortable silences so don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, let’s explore some techniques to keep a conversation going.
“Parroting” Helps Keep Conversation Going
The next time you’re stuck for something to say, like a parrot simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. This prompts her for more detail putting the ball right back in her court. Then all you need to do is listen.
For example, if she says “Most of my courses went well, but the last one was really difficult.” You could simply reply, “Difficult?” This invites her to explain why she struggled with the course.
If she says that she really likes a film and then stops talking, you could repeat “You really liked it?” as a prompt for her to elaborate about what she liked.
Parroting is a simple yet surprisingly effective way of discovering a person’s true feelings and is used by sales people all the time to understand a customer’s real objections. Don’t underestimate the power of this simple technique in getting a girl to open up and emotionally connect with you.
As long as you remain focused, maintain good eye-contact, nod your head and encourage her to continue, she will enjoy keeping the conversation going with you. In fact, she will consider you an attentive listener and even a great conversationalist, despite you not having said much.
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Asking “Why?” Builds a Deeper Connection
As guys we’re pretty fortunate in that women like to talk. So if you play your cards right, you really don’t have to do as much of the work in a conversation. You just have to know how to ask the right questions and to be a good listener.
The better a listener you are and the more interested you are in what she has to say, the more comfortable she’ll be talking to you. In fact, if you get her comfortable enough conversation will flow easily and you won’t have to worry about uncomfortable silences.
The key is asking questions that relate to what she is talking about. If she’s telling you about something she likes, ask her why she likes it. If it’s something she doesn’t like, ask her a why she doesn’t like it.
Asking “why” helps you get to a root of a person’s character and understand them at a deeper level. The more you do this, the more she’ll open up to you telling you things that you can ask her more questions about.
One Word Answers Kill Conversation
Don’t make the common mistake of giving her monosyllabic answers. If she asks you a question, don’t be afraid to open up to her by giving her a good solid and detailed answer. Usually, the more open you are with someone, the more open they are going to be with you, and the freer conversation is going to flow.
When talking to someone you’ve just met it’s almost inevitable that you’ll be asked where you’re from or what you do for a living. It’s easy to answer in one word or sentence “I“m from San Diego” or “I’m a web designer,” but this doesn’t help you keep the conversation going because it forces her to carry the conversation.
Resist the temptation to give simple one or two word answers. Flesh out your answers by adding details and insights about yourself. This adds to the conversation, helps you to identify common interests and invites participation.
An expanded response might be, “I grew up in San Diego but accepted a job in New York 3 years ago. I’m enjoying the hustle and bustle of life in the Big Apple. How about you?“or “I’m a freelance web designer. I’m helping to design an online dating website, which has been fun. Working on different projects keeps things interesting for me and I like the flexibility of freelance work. What about you?”
Avoid the Quick “Me Too” and “I Did That Too”
Whenever she mentions a common interest or experience, instead of jumping in with a breathless “Hey, me too!”, “I do that too” or “I know all about that”, let her finish talking about it. Then casually mention you share her interest. The longer you wait to reveal it, the more impressed she’ll be.
It’s a bonding experience when you discover that you have something in common with the girl you’re talking to. However, being a good listener can make the experience much better rather than you jumping in exclaiming your common interest too quickly.
Here’s an example, if you’ve been to Mexico and the girl you’re talking to starts telling you about a great holiday she had there, hold back from saying “I’ve been to Mexico too.” Let her continue her story describing the sights, people, atmosphere and places she visited as you listen attentively.
This helps keep the conversation going because she won’t cut herself off prematurely worried that she might be boring you after she finds out that you’ve also been to Mexico. Wait a while before you casually mention that you have a destination in common.
If she asks why you didn’t mention it sooner, say you were enjoying her descriptions and wanted to hear her finish. She’ll probably smile before asking you about your experience, and the two of you can continue the conversation based on your shared experience or interest.
Holding back with “Me too” sets you apart from the majority of guys who rush in to announce their shared interest because they’re hungry to make a quick connection. By not doing the same, you come across as more confident and less concerned about impressing her, which perhaps ironically is sure to impress her.
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Arm Yourself With The Latest News
One of the best ways to boost your conversational confidence is to listen to the news or scan a newspaper before going to a party or on a date. Anything that happened today is good backup material that might be helpful in keeping the conversation going without resorting to talking about the weather.
No matter what crowd you’re circulating in, it pays to know what’s happening right now in the world. It might not sound sexy, but knowing about the fires, floods, air disasters, toppled governments and stock market crashes is great conversational fodder.
Being armed with the latest news will help you to avoid awkward silences and make an informed and educated impression. Knowing the big news of the moment is also a defensive move that rescues you from having to ask what everybody’s talking about.
Make Conversation About Awkward Silences
The tips above will help you to keep the conversation going, but even the best conversationalists aren’t able to avoid uncomfortable moments entirely. So here are a few questions to keep the conversation going when an awkward moment strikes.
You could turn the awkward silence into a topic of discussion by asking her…
Ever wonder what makes an awkward silence so awkward?
When you think about it, it’s actually a pretty fascinating question and one that you could probably build an interesting conversation around. This could even give you an opportunity to learn more about her personality.
You could also ask…
You know how you can really tell that you know someone? (Wait for her to answer) When the silences become comfortable between you. Have you ever noticed that?
Again this may spark an interesting conversation giving you the opportunity to get to know her better. You’ll find that uncomfortable silences are less awkward when someone points them out. By making the uncomfortable silence a part of the conversation, you’ll automatically make it less threatening.
I suggest you ask these questions with people you know to get a few viewpoints that you can share when you start the conversation with your date. Having these questions up your sleeve is sure to make awkward silences less intimidating for you and who knows, by following the other conversational tips you might not even get to use them.
Thanks for reading and I hope you found this post helpful. Please go ahead and share your thoughts about keeping a conversation going and avoiding awkward silences in the comments below.
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