“How do you get a girl to like you?” This is easily the most common question guys ask. The thing is, what you should REALLY be asking is, “How to get a girl to WANT you?” It’s extremely important to make this distinction because there is a whole world of difference between LIKING and WANTING. (Hint: Girls don’t sleep with the guys they like!)
Here’s the thing. A girl can like you just fine, but still not be ATTRACTED to you. There is even a fancy name for this, it’s called FRIENDSHIP. I’m not kidding. Mix this stuff up at your own peril. Because while you’re out there pulling out all the stops to create attraction, what you’ll ACTUALLY be doing is making a friend.
Now don’t get me wrong here, of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with having female friends. Not in the slightest. But if your real motive is to get some NOOKY, then don’t be surprised when you get brushed off as you try to take the relationship to the next level.
It’s near impossible to build attraction when you’re six feet deep in the dreaded “FRIEND’S ZONE.”
Does this scenario sound familiar to you? Have you landed in the friends zone recently with someone you’d have much rather landed in the sack with? Be honest with yourself now.
Look, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Nobody can hit a home run on every strike, and anyone who tells you that they can get any girl to want them, is quite frankly lying through their teeth. That said, you can do a heck of a lot to improve your chances and you’ve probably already discovered for yourself that friendship is not the way.
If You Want To Get a Girl to Want You, Then You Have to Start Doing Something Different!
Like the great Albert Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Whether you understand his “mass-energy equivalence” theory or not is beside the point. Fact is you won’t get better dating advice than these words of wisdom from the father of modern physics.
Look, I’m don’t mean to rain on your parade, but I’m just telling it how it is. And don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Much more important than your current success rate with women, is you’re willingness to learn from your mistakes and that you dare to try something different. But what exactly?
What concrete actions can you take today to get the girls that you most desire to WANT you?
How to Get a Girl to Like You — (Read: How NOT to Get a Girl to Want You)
Many guys try to do things for a woman, mistakenly thinking that he’ll earn brownie points that will make her want him. This couldn’t be further than the truth.
All this does is broadcast:
- his complete LACK OF CONTROL over the situation
- his DESPERATION to effect a certain end
- his CLUELESSNESS about how attraction works
These are the kind of guys who start conversations with women with the words, “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” and “You’re pretty”. And the guys who assume the “therapist” role (hearing all about her ex, the guys who have “done her wrong”, and the guy she is currently seeing — evening how great the sex is). As well as the guys who allow themselves to be walked all over, hoping that she might eventually repay him for his kindness by allowing him to have sex with her. He plays chauffeur, buys her lots of presents, puts up with her moody temper tantrums and generally allows himself to be controlled.
Does this sound like someone you know?
The good news is that there are plenty of girls who have too much self-respect, compassion and better options than to encourage this kind of behavior from guys.
… but on the other, less-fortunate hand, such
women DO exist who WILL accept (and in fact,
blatantly orchestrate) such behavior… some, who
even EXPECT IT.
Such women are toxic, and you would do well to
avoid all interactions with them. Sex is not a
valid currency in the mind of ANY man who has a
modicum of value.
So here’s the point: those are the kind of
women who ‘like you’ (or appear to) rather than
actually WANTING YOU.
(They are also, often, the kinds of women who
believe that ‘men are rats’, that men are only out
to ‘get one thing’, and that your
funds are a valid exchange for such shreds of time
and fleshliness as she’s prepared to throw your
… and let’s be honest here. Most of the time,
that fleshliness is REFERRED to often, but rarely
actually MATERIALIZES. So she’ll hint, infer, and
otherwise make you THINK that you’re maybe going
to get a ‘reward’ for all your troubles … but it
almost NEVER actually HAPPENS.
There is an important lesson here: if you want
to make a woman WANT you, you have got to be in
control of yourself, and not seem DESPERATE.
The easiest way not to seem desperate is, of
course, to actually not BE desperate. And the best
way to genuinely avoid desperation is to actually
HAVE OPTIONS when it comes to women and dating.
If you ever catch yourself feeling as though
you’d ‘do anything’ for a woman just to have her
hang around, she will SENSE it and be repelled.
Because women don’t like weak, needy men who
are OK with receiving poor treatment simply to
bask in her presence.
Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts
So lesson one: don’t give away your power.
Don’t supplicate. Don’t beg. Don’t be desperate.
For now, put your attention on the necessity of
not ‘faking’ anything (i.e. not having to PRETEND
not to be needy or desperate, while all along your
heart’s hammering away and your palms are sweating
because this is Your Big Chance) … and of actually
A few solid guidelines:
- Don’t be on call for her.
- Don’t drop everything for her.
- Don’t wait for her to validate you.
- Don’t offer to purchase anything or expend
any resources in order to talk to her or see her.
(If taking girls out is something you already do
for fun, then fine. But if you’re doing it because
you want her to ‘like you’, then consider that
your first red flag and drop that behavior like a
- Don’t be the one she calls ONLY when she
- Be a man, not a puppy-dog.
But enough with the doom and gloom. So now you
know how to make a woman ‘like’ you as opposed to
‘want’ you …
… so how do you flip the coin? How do you make
her WANT YOU?
Is it looks?
Is it wealth?
Is it confidence?
Is it power?
All those things are part of it, but they’re
not THE SINGLE MOST FUNDAMENTAL THING.
I want you to think deeper than what everyone
else is telling you. Think deeper than
What is the single most fundamental thing that
a female wants in a sexual partner?
Think about it…
What’s the one thing she HAS to have?
I can tell you straight off that it isn’t
looks. There are plenty of average-looking guys
with beautiful females in their lives.
And quality women don’t tend to be overly
impressed by wealth.
Confidence is definitely a big one, but it’s
still not ESSENTIAL a full 100% of the time, with
100% of women.
… so WHAT IS IT?
Here goes: the MOST important thing that a
woman needs in order to WANT YOU is …
… that you are a MAN.
That you know what it means to be a man … that
you’re OK with it … that you don’t APOLOGIZE for
it … that you have the strength to BE it … and
that you ARE it, through and through, 100%
congruence … meaning, there’s no ‘act’ here.
(Because women can smell FALSITY.)
Females are attracted to MEN, plain and simple.
A MAN is someone who’s different from her in
A MAN is someone who has integrity, knows who
he is, and knows where he’s going.
A MAN is someone that a woman can trust to
guide her and lead her into a great future.
A MAN is someone who has the strength to let
her be her most feminine self without ever making
her feel that SHE’S the one who’s going to have to
‘carry’ them both. Who can let her know that
everything’s going to be OK. Who’s not fazed by
her femininity. Who supports her EMOTIONALLY, not
just MATERIALLY. Who validates HER instead of
looking TO her for validation.
Here’s what ‘being a man’ ISN’T:
- Trying to be her ‘friend’ in order to come in
‘under the radar’.
- Paying for attention, affection, or
- Disguising your truth in order to ‘create an
impression.’ (For example, hanging out in the VIP
lounge and flashing your money-clip around in
order to get ‘high-class’ females, when it’s
actually beyond your means to maintain.)
- Freaking out when she reacts emotionally to a
- Relying on her for validation and approval.
- Looking to her for decisions and opinions.
A woman will go to other women to share
feelings, gossip, and talk about the neighbors.
She’ll go to a MAN for her other needs. She’ll go
to a MAN when she wants to lean on someone strong.
She’ll go to a MAN when she wants to let loose
and go wild.
A woman wants a man because he’s a MAN … not
because he’s ‘just like her’ or ‘just like a
I want you to get this concept, because it’s
Have you ever been in the situation where
you’re the guy a girl goes to when she has ‘boy
problems’ and wants to talk them through … but if
you try to kiss her or move things forward
physically, she balks and backs off and makes an
This sort of thing happens when a woman just
isn’t ‘feeling’ your masculinity. You’re not
making her feel safe, supported, or that you’re
strong enough to LEAD.
And by the way … making a woman ‘feel
supported’ is NOT about doling out relationship
advice, telling her she’s ‘too good’ for other
guys, or being the shoulder to cry on.
It’s about letting her know, tacitly, that YOU
are always in control, that you are someone she
can RELY on, and that you can ‘handle it’,
whatever ‘it’ is.
See, this is something that a lot of guys
struggle with. They’re AFRAID to be ‘men’ because
they don’t want to SCARE anybody (like women).
They’re scared to just be a man and be OK with it.
By trying not to give too much ‘air-time’ to
aggressiveness or masculinity, they’ve actually
NEUTERED themselves and become a ‘blank cartridge’
in terms of ATTRACTION.
This is why so many women seem to prefer
‘jerks’. Not because they actually WANT a ‘jerk’,
but because, when faced with a choice between a
‘sensitive new-age guy’ and a JERK, they’d rather
pick the jerk … because at least HE knows how to
be a MAN.
(Sadly for many women, they literally are
unaware that there is a middle ground here — that
great men do exist who are neither SNAGs nor
jerks, who are EXCELLENT men who also know how to
BE MEN. This is why ‘jerks’ have such a cachet for
many … because they literally don’t know of
anything else that’s out there that’s still
capable of being a man. Fortunately for these
women, you will be able to convey this quality to
When you suppress your masculinity in order for
women to ‘be OK’ with you, you actually just
guaranteed that a woman’s going to feel NOTHING
Just that. Neutrality.
Not aroused. Not hot. NOTHING.
Guys have LOST the ability to be men … and, in
the process, they’ve lost what it takes to attract
Now, I’m making no assumptions about YOU
But for those guys out there who feel like they
could use a little more instruction on what it
takes to be a man … I have something to say to
It’s NOT the end of the world.
You’re not resigned to being the guy you are
now for always.
Think about how much you’ve changed from the
way you were at 13 years old … or even at 3 years
You have the potential for AMAZING growth and
development. In five years, you could look back
on the guy you are now and feel like you have
nothing in common with him. You could be the MAN
that takes attracting excellent females for granted.
You could be so transformed that you barely even
remember what it’s like to feel stuck in your old
If you’re happy with the man you are now and
the life you have now, then by all means stay with
But if you’re NOT completely happy … if you
feel STUCK in old patterns of getting rejected and
beating yourself up … if you’re absolutely 100%
willing to make a CHANGE in your life and take
…Then you’re ready for the next step in your
TAKE A SHORT QUIZ
Answer “yes” or “no” to each question below.
1. I don’t have too much of a problem
attracting females I find attractive.
2. I often find myself adjusting who I am or
even making things about myself up to seem
3. I can think of a lot of reasons that a female
wouldn’t be attracted to me.
4. I find it hard to meet women whom I want AND
5. There’s not much that embarrasses me about
6. The women I want rarely, if ever, want me
7. I’m confident that someday a woman will come
along who will recognize what a great guy I am.
8. As long as the sex is good, I’ll put up with
a lot in a woman.
9. I don’t have any problem with being
10. I find it upsetting when a woman gets upset
or starts throwing a fit.
11. I’m confident that I can handle most things
that life throws at me.
12. I feel like I have a pretty good
relationship with my Dad.
13. It annoys me when things don’t go as
14. I’m not really a “picky” person, I’m pretty
good at going with the flow.
15. I’ve got a good idea of what I want my
future to look like in the next couple years.
TOTAL UP YOUR POINTS
For every answer that matches below, give
yourself a point. For every answer that doesn’t
match, subtract a point.
1 — YES, 2 — NO, 3 — NO, 4 — NO, 5 — YES, 6 -
NO, 7 — NO, 8 — NO, 9 — YES, 10 — NO, 11 — YES, 12
- YES, 13 — NO, 14 — YES, 15 — YES
WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR RESULTS
Now, you may be expecting me to tell you
whether or not you’re a “real man” based on your
score, but I’m not going to tell you what your
score “should” be. There’s no threshold that you
cross over that tells you that NOW you’re a man.
Clearly, the more points you get, the better
you’re doing … but this is a PROCESS we’re talking
You’re going to continue learning more about
what it means to be a man until the day you die.
But if your score wasn’t as high as you thought
it should be, I’m going to give you three
mind-blowing principles right now that, if you
master them, have the power to completely
transform your life.
CRASH COURSE IN MANHOOD
Tip #1: Get passionate about something other
There’s nothing less attractive than a guy
who’s OK with ‘settling’ for a life that he’s not
If you are living your life without energy and
enthusiasm, then you are going to find it
difficult to EVER get a really excellent female
interested in you.
And by the way … ‘passion’ doesn’t count if
it’s only WOMEN you’re passionate about. You need
to have interests other than simply ‘getting good
with women’ if you want to be a compelling man.
Here’s what most guys do: they get comfortable,
get a steady job, rent a decent place in an
apartment complex, and spend all their free time
on some combination of the following: the
computer, working out, and/or drinking. And then
they complain that they don’t have a girlfriend!
If you want to be the kind of MAN that a WOMAN
desires, then you have got to get interested in
living a full life.
And this isn’t something that you ‘do’ to ‘get
women’. Living a kick-ass life is hopefully
something you want to do FOR YOURSELF — otherwise
I’m going to assume you don’t have a lot of
self-respect (in which case, you’re going to find
it difficult to EVER get a quality woman.)
Tip #2: Don’t give when you don’t WANT to give.
Some guys find it too easy to become a
‘yes-man’. You know — the guy who agrees to do
things, give things, and say things when he
doesn’t really want to and he doesn’t really mean
For example: the kind of guy who’ll agree with
a woman, EVEN WHEN he doesn’t ACTUALLY agree, just
so she’ll ‘like him more’.
Or the kind of guy who’ll compliment a woman
on something he could not care less about so
she’ll think they’re ‘on the same wavelength’.
Or the kind of guy who’ll inconvenience himself
massively for a woman because he’s afraid that, if
he doesn’t, he’ll ‘lose his chance’.
Here’s the truth: it is THAT VERY ATTITUDE that
will ‘lose you your chance’, because a great woman
will not stay attracted to someone who’s so
petrified of ‘losing her’ that he can’t even bring
himself to be authentic.
Learn how to say ‘no’ in a way that’s NOT A BIG
DEAL. Don’t get freaked out if you have a
different opinion to someone.
Get excited about radical honesty and the
revitalizing effect it can have on your
relationships with women.
Consider the fact that a conflict of opinion,
when handled well, is interesting and creates the
friction that leads to passion.
Be interesting. Be OK with being interesting.
Tip #3: Get validation from something in your
life other than women.
If you are relying on success with females to
validate you and make you feel worthwhile, then
your satisfaction with your life and your sense of
confidence as a man is forever going to be
ephemeral and linked to external events that are,
BY THEIR VERY NATURE, constantly shifting.
As a result, you’ll put way too much emphasis
on the outcome of ANY situation with a woman.
The worst-case scenario is that you’ll be
unable to relax around women, and your weird
urgency and intensity will creep her out.
The best-case scenario is that you’ll be
strapped to a life-long roller-coaster of ‘I
totally rule!’ and ‘Man, I SUCK’ because you’ll
never be in control of your own value … and this
can be exhausting.
This is where ‘creating and living a GREAT
life’ comes in. When you have a full life that
interests you and from which you derive pleasure,
suddenly ‘women’ are NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL. That’s
not to say that you can’t WANT a woman … but you
no longer NEED ONE in order to feel ‘normal’.
And as a result, women everywhere sense your
innate control and ability to create
SELF-SATISFACTION, and will immediately start
showing up in your life.
But careful now … they can smell
inauthenticity. This will only work if you’re
doing it FOR REAL, not just as a ploy to ‘get