The Friend Zone is often thought of as the penalty box of dating and occurs when a woman categorizes you as a friend rather than a potential lover.
For most women these categories are mutually exclusive, which means that it can be very difficult to get out of the Friend Zone once inside and the effort required usually isn’t worth it.
Of course there is nothing wrong with being friends with a woman, and it does have its perks. For example you can expand your social circle by getting to know her friends. However, if you’re looking for more than just friendship then this will be of little consolation and “Justfriendistan” will seem a very bleak and unforgiving place.
So, is it possible to escape the Friend Zone once you’ve been “friend zoned?” And, a better question, how do you avoid the Friend Zone in the first place?
Now Be Honest…
When that beautiful girl who you were crazy about told you, “I’d rather just be friends,” did you say, “Okay sure, I’m cool with that,” in hope that she would someday change her mind?
Well, did she ever change her mind?
In fact, she might have told you that she was “not ready to date” or that she had “just come out of a really bad relationship,” only to turn around soon after and start dating some guy who just came from out of nowhere.
Are you tired of having this happen to you? Wouldn’t it be great if you could stop landing in the dreaded Friend Zone and start being “that guy who came out of nowhere?”
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Cut Your Losses and Move On
What you have to realize is that the Friend Zone is like the mafia, very hard to get out. It’s virtually a lost cause because the more effort you put in to weasel, bribe or negotiate your way out, the more needy and desperate you’ll seem.
This will have the exact opposite of the desired effect, only serving to make you even less sexually attractive to her, thus sealing your fate and locking you into the Friend Zone for good.
Look, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you’re still entertaining fantasies of her waking up one day to the realization of how foolish she’s been all this time because the love of her life has been right there in front of her all along, then you’re in for a very long wait.
Don’t make the mistake of being that “nice guy” who goes shopping, watches sitcoms and gossips with her. The guy who she calls when she wants a favor, or when she needs to let off steam about some douche she’s dating.
You have more self-dignity than to let her rub salt into your wounds, don’t you? Well, don’t you?
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone
Like most guys, you’ll probably find it hard to accept when I say that you’re not going to win her over. Instead of cutting your losses, you’ll stubbornly continue fighting for her affections.
So rather than have you do something you’ll regret, I’ll admit that there is one very small chance of getting out of the Friend Zone, but it’s not easy. And the longer you’ve been in the Friend Zone, the harder it will be to get out. It could take months, or even years.
In order to push that cosmic reset button in her head, you need to make some drastic changes in your life and generate underlying sexual tension.
Shallow as it sounds, her desire for you will increase when she sees that you’re desired by other women. So as of right now, stop messaging her and stop being at her beck and call. Get some distance between you by pursuing other interests and by meeting and dating other girls.
Guys trying to escape the Friend Zone seem to forget is that there are 3.5 billion women on this planet. I don’t doubt that she’s “special”, but there are other special girls out there who’d be very happy to be in a relationship with you. You need to get over your oneitis and move on by adopting an “abundance mindset.”
Once you’ve distanced yourself from her, it’s time to work on yourself. This means improving your style, getting in shape and generally becoming the best possible version of yourself.
You want that when she sees you again, she sees the new confident, non-needy and attractive you. Let her see that you’ve moved on and that you’re doing just fine without her.
She should think to herself, “Wow, he’s looking good and he’s really got it together. What was I thinking? Do I really want to risk losing this guy?” Then when you notice her signs of interest, it’s up to you to man up and make your move.
At this point it’s vital you make it very clear that your intentions are of a sexual nature and not platonic. Adopt the attitude that if she turns you down it’s her loss because you’re a man of options and are not overly invested in her.
The more she feels that she could lose your affection to someone else, the better your chances of getting out the Friend Zone and into her “erogenous zone.”
Why Guys Get Put in The Friend Zone
Instead of asking how to get out of the Friend Zone, a better question is to ask yourself how to avoid the Friend Zone in the first place. Here are two things you must start doing right now:
- Prove to her that you aren’t like most men
- Man up and make your desires clear
Let’s start with proving to her that you are not like most men. First, ask yourself this…
What Are Most Men Doing to Attract Her?
In any field, you can identify true geniuses by one variable: they do things differently than the majority of people. This is especially true in the dating world. The more attractive a woman is, the more men she has competing for her attention. And what do you think most of them are doing?
They are going out of their way trying to impress and please her by becoming the kind of man that she expects them to become. They are making themselves available to her 24/7 and going completely over-the-top to win her affection. They agree with everything she says and let her have her way, even when she behaves like a spoilt brat.
Seems like a pretty good strategy right? Well, these are some of the classic dating mistakes men make.
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Let’s Look at Things From Her Point of View
Imagine that you had a dozen people competing for your attention who were all doing nice things for you. Is there any way that you would be able to give all of these people your attention? And how would you choose between them?
Women are far more intuitive than most guys give them credit for. They know when you’re bullshitting or trying to manipulate them into bed with your “niceness.” And it get’s tiring and old very quickly.
Imagine how hard it must be for a beautiful woman to meet a genuine, down-to-earth kind of guy among all the manipulative creeps:
- A man who has his own opinions and is willing to disagree with her instead of stifling conversation by always trying to please her by saying the right thing.
- A man who has his own life and doesn’t always change his plans to make himself available to her at the drop of a hat.
- A man who doesn’t go out of his way to impress her by spending lots of money wining and dining her or showering her with gifts.
Can you see how that would be a refreshing change for her? Hopefully you’re beginning to understand why women reject men who go over the top to win their affections. These guys are a dime a dozen and it doesn’t sexually excite beautiful women because they’re bored of it.
As a defense, and because they don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, women have mastered the art of keeping their would-be suitors at arms length by Friend Zoning them.
Meanwhile, the guy who comes along and doesn’t change his behavior for her, who doesn’t shower her with special attention, who teases her when she behaves out of line, who has a bit of a bad boy attitude and perhaps even seems slightly disinterested, this guy has her eating out of his hand!
Why? Because he gives her a sense of variety, excitement and adventure. And because he demonstrates high status and strength of character by maintaining his identity, while other men are busy wrapping themselves around her finger.
What women really want from a man is security and reliability. Subconsciously she reasons that if you allow yourself to be manipulated by her, without standing up for yourself, then what are the chances that you can be relied on to stand strong and provide her with security in the long term?
So, How Can You Stand Out?
Before you go out on another date, stop and make a list of all the ways in which you’re going over the top to attract women. All those things you’re doing in the hope of gaining a woman’s approval. If these things are out of character for you, then why are you doing them? If it’s simply for the sake of impressing her, she’s probably smart enough to know that.
Not only that, she probably wishes you had the confidence to believe that you’re good enough the way you are, without putting her on a pedestal, changing your opinions to gain her approval, and spoiling her with gifts and favors to compensate for your perceived shortcomings.
Until you’re honest with yourself about these things, you’ll never display the “take it or leave it” attitude that’s necessary to attract quality women. By having the confidence to stand up for the things you believe in and refusing to allow yourself to be manipulated, you take the first step in proving to her that you’re a great catch!
Don’t forget that women thrive on emotion. The “nice guy” who is afraid of offending her will play it safe and elicit a neutral reaction. The problem is that neutral reactions are boring and they never incite emotion. Without emotion, there can be no emotional connection and no attraction.
Man Up and Make Your Desires Clear
One of the biggest mistakes men make with women is to wait too long to make a move. You need to demonstrate your desire for her early on, or she’ll classify you as a friend and not a potential lover.
Women like a masculine man who makes his intentions clear and is not afraid to act on his sexual desire. At the very latest when she starts making signs that she likes you, you need to take the bull by the horns or your opportunity could be lost forever.
I know it’s not always easy, but you must be prepared to stick your neck out and let her know that you’re sexually attracted to her. Studies show that female arousal is somewhat narcissistic in nature and that women are turned on by being wanted and desired. In general, the more physically assertive you are when pursuing a woman, the more aroused she becomes.
If you’re naturally a shy guy, I know it can be difficult to be sexually forthright and lead the interaction, but this is exactly what’s necessary if you want to avoid being relegated to the dreaded Friend Zone by women.