Shit tests are thrown out by women to test if you’re really the strong, confident and successful man that you make yourself out to be.
Women use shit tests to test how much feminine power they can exert over you as a way to gauge your manliness. Shit tests help women to find out if you can “walk the walk” and not just “talk the talk.”
Her probing questions and comments may seem innocent at first, but shit tests are a big deal because they help her to decide if you’re dateable or not. How you deal with her tests will determine whether you’re categorized as:
- Someone she wants to sleep with
- Someone she’ll relegate to the Friend Zone
- Or someone she doesn’t want to see again
It sounds sinister, but these tests are often subconscious. She doesn’t even know she is giving them to you, but she registers subconsciously whether you pass or fail her tests. So, how can you ensure that you pass your next shit test with flying colors? Read on to find out…
The Different Types of Shit Tests
There are different types of shit tests depending on what she wants to find out about you. Here are the most common ones:
- Congruence tests - Are you really the strong and confident guy you appear to be?
- Compliance tests — Do you have the backbone to draw the line and stand up to her when she’s being demanding and unreasonable?
- Love tests - Do you really love and cherish her?
The rest of this post deals with how to handle congruence tests where a woman wants to test your confidence and manliness. Before going into more detail about why women need these tests and most importantly, how to handle them, here are some common examples of congruence tests so you know what you’re up against. She is testing you when she says things like:
- Are you a player?
- You just want to sleep with me.
- I bet you say that to all the girls.
- How many girls have you slept with?
- Sorry, I don’t give my number to strangers.
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Why Do Women Need Shit Tests?
Attractive women get a lot of attention from men. Just think about how many times a beautiful girl is approached in a week, a month or a year. With so many guys competing for her attention, she needs a way to quickly separate the wheat from the chaff.
Are you really the high value, cool and interesting guy you’d like to have her believe? In other words, are you congruent with the image you’re trying to project?
To determine whether you’re the real McCoy or a faker, she puts you on the spot to see how you behave under pressure. Here are some of things that a woman might try to find about you with congruence tests:
- Are you confident and manly?
- Can you be trusted?
- Are you motivated by sex alone?
- Do you get jealous easily?
- Do you put up with bratty behavior?
Her shit tests help her to weed out the players and weak-willed men and identify the guys who are worthy of her time and attention. They are a woman’s way to size you up as a man and decide if she is romantically interested in you, or not.
At the end of the day, shit tests are her way of protecting herself from disappointment by finding out if you’re the real deal or some Johnny-come-lately who is just going to mess her around or waste her time.
The Good News About Congruence Tests
If you’re feeling like the victim of a female conspiracy, I have some good news. When a woman congruency tests you, it doesn’t mean that she is rejecting you. In fact, her resistance is often confirmation that she is interested in you and wants to get to know you better.
After all, if she had already written you off, or relegated you to the Friend Zone, there would be no reason to shit test you, right?
- Either she is legitimately attracted to you and she wants to throw a spanner in the works to reassure herself that you’re the desirable guy that she thinks you are. Her sentiment is, “This guy is cute, I wonder if he’s the real deal…”
- Or she is on the fence about you and wants to see how you handle yourself when she tries to exert her feminine power over you. Her sentiment here is, “I hope he says or does the right thing to prove to me that he’s the real deal.” It’s like she is throwing you a lifeline to win her over.
Whatever her motives, shit tests are a fact of life and the sooner you accept this, the better off you’ll be. Instead of seeing shit tests as a threat, try to see them as an opportunity to demonstrate that you’re a high value man and set yourself apart from the other men she meets.
If you prove to her that you’re a masculine man who can handle himself with confidence, then she’ll feel free to relax and enjoy her femininity with you.
The more tests you pass, the more convinced she will be that you’re a great catch and the fewer tests she will give you. That is until you give her a reason to test you again by making her feel suspicious about you or insecure about where she stands in the relationship.
Identify Her Motives for Testing You
More good news is that shit tests can be neutralized quite easily if you just stay in control and understand her underlying motives for testing you. Keep in mind that women want you to pass their tests and are secretly rooting for you.
A lot of guys make the mistake of evaluating the content of her words too closely and not paying enough attention to the context of the situation in which the words were said. They respond to the symptoms rather than the root cause.
A little social intelligence goes a long way in helping you to identify the real issue and nip it in the bud. The advantage of addressing her suspicions and insecurities directly, is that you won’t have to deal with similar tests repeatedly.
It saves you from having to think up a clever comebacks to demonstrate your masculine dominance and put her in her place every time you get some resistance from her.
Your goal should be to demonstrate your confidence and if possible make her feel secure, while avoiding getting caught up in a verbal arms race or trying to “out banter” her. With this in mind, let’s look now at some potential responses to common shit tests.
Example Shit Tests and Responses
You look like you’re a player… are you a player?
Why she said it: Women want to protect themselves from being taken for a ride. They’re worried about emotionally investing in you and risking getting hurt.
What to say: Reassure her without making excuses for yourself by saying something like, “Sure when I’m single I go out to meet girls and I can be bad, but when I’m in a relationship I’m good and I treat my girlfriend well.”
You just want to sleep with me.
Why she said it: Women who use lines like this want reassurance that there is a possibility for something more than just a physical relationship and that you can be trusted.
What to say: Show her that you can be trusted by having the balls to be honest and direct with her. Share some intimacy with her by getting physically closer to her and say, “Yeah of course I want to sleep with you… Who wouldn’t? You’re gorgeous.”
I bet you say that to all the girls.
Why she said it: She thinks that you sound too rehearsed and she’s worried about being played.
What to say: Resist the temptation of trying to convince her that you’ve never used that line before. Instead, defuse the situation with humor. Ask her how well it’s working for her or tell her, “Yeah, but I can tell you like it” and smile suggestively.
Why are you talking to me?
Why she said it: This is a tough test and is a sure sign of a woman who is approached frequently by men, so you need to be extra smooth to prove your mettle.
What to say: Look her dead in the eyes and say, “Because you looked interesting from over there and I wanted to see if your looks matched your personality.” Alternatively, you can deflect this ball buster by asking her the time. When she responds confused come back with, “I wasn’t aware talking to you was off limits after…” fill in the blank with the time.
How many girls have you slept with?
Why she said it: She’s worried that you’re not going to be faithful.
What to say: Tell the truth if you think it’s more than she has, but less than 15. If more, it’s better not to say anything, so say you don’t count.
Sorry, I don’t give my number to strangers
Why she said it: She’s playing hard to get and is not sure that you can be trusted. Chances are you didn’t make her feel comfortable enough before asking for her digits.
What to say: You could try to salvage the situation with something like, “Yeah I get that, and that’s cool actually, because most girls give their number out too easily, so lets add each other on Facebook, keep in touch, and if we feel like meeting sometime, then cool, if not, no biggie.” (Alternatively, check out my post on How to Get a Girl’s Number the Right Way to avoid this situation in the first place.)
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General Tips for Responding to Shit Tests
One of the telltale traits of an alpha male is his ability to maintain a cool, calm and collected demeanor in high-pressure situations. He doesn’t get overly emotional and he’s not easy to throw off balance.
The easiest way to fail shit tests is to get angry or react too emotionally so you should never snap at her or get into a shouting match. Also, you don’t always have to play along with her, so don’t feel obliged to give her a serious response and the pleasure of being in control, unless you want to.
In most situations humor, a tease or something unexpected is the best response. If she’s just being unreasonable, feel free to ignore or deflect her questions and then re-engage the conversation with an observational statement.
Remember that if you want something, you must be prepared to risk losing it. Too many guys put women on pedestals and are afraid of losing a girl they’re attracted to, so they compromise on their ideals.
If she is bratty or bitchy with you, don’t be afraid to put your foot down and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable to you. Being prepared to walk away if she crosses the line communicates that you’re a high status man with options and is very attractive to women.
Shit tests often get bad rap with men, but they are simply a woman’s way of saying, “This is moving forward. I like you, but I’m not 100% sure about you yet.” They are an opportunity for you to reassure her by demonstrating that you’re a confident and high value man.
Remember that she is deliberately trying to throw you off balance. By staying cool and keeping your composure, you communicate that you are in control, non-needy and every bit the kind of man she hopes you are. Do this successfully and you’ll see a noticeable spike in her attraction for you.
You will never graduate from shit tests completely, but you can greatly reduce the number of hoops she makes you jump through by being congruent in your actions and words. Become the high value, masculine man that women really want and her tests will roll off you like water off a ducks back.
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