How to Handle Shit Tests from Women

How to handle shit tests from women.

How to han­dle shit tests from women.

Shit tests are thrown out by women to test if you’re really the strong, con­fi­dent and suc­cess­ful man that you make your­self out to be.

Women use shit tests to test how much fem­i­nine power they can exert over you as a way to gauge your man­li­ness. Shit tests help women to find out if you can “walk the walk” and not just “talk the talk.”

Her prob­ing ques­tions and com­ments may seem inno­cent at first, but shit tests are a big deal because they help her to decide if you’re date­able or not. How you deal with her tests will deter­mine whether you’re cat­e­go­rized as:

  • Some­one she wants to sleep with
  • Some­one she’ll rel­e­gate to the Friend Zone
  • Or some­one she doesn’t want to see again

It sounds sin­is­ter, but these tests are often sub­con­scious. She doesn’t even know she is giv­ing them to you, but she reg­is­ters sub­con­sciously whether you pass or fail her tests. So, how can you ensure that you pass your next shit test with fly­ing col­ors? Read on to find out…

The Dif­fer­ent Types of Shit Tests

There are dif­fer­ent types of shit tests depend­ing on what she wants to find out about you. Here are the most com­mon ones:

  • Con­gru­ence tests - Are you really the strong and con­fi­dent guy you appear to be?
  • Com­pli­ance tests — Do you have the back­bone to draw the line and stand up to her when she’s being demand­ing and unreasonable?
  • Love tests - Do you really love and cher­ish her?

The rest of this post deals with how to han­dle con­gru­ence tests where a woman wants to test your con­fi­dence and man­li­ness. Before going into more detail about why women need these tests and most impor­tantly, how to han­dle them, here are some com­mon exam­ples of con­gru­ence tests so you know what you’re up against. She is test­ing you when she says things like:

  • Are you a player?
  • You just want to sleep with me.
  • I bet you say that to all the girls.
  • How many girls have you slept with?
  • Sorry, I don’t give my num­ber to strangers.

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Why Do Women Need Shit Tests?

Attrac­tive women get a lot of atten­tion from men. Just think about how many times a beau­ti­ful girl is approached in a week, a month or a year. With so many guys com­pet­ing for her atten­tion, she needs a way to quickly sep­a­rate the wheat from the chaff.

Are you really the high value, cool and inter­est­ing guy you’d like to have her believe? In other words, are you con­gru­ent with the image you’re try­ing to project?

To deter­mine whether you’re the real McCoy or a faker, she puts you on the spot to see how you behave under pres­sure. Here are some of things that a woman might try to find about you with con­gru­ence tests:

  • Are you con­fi­dent and manly?
  • Can you be trusted?
  • Are you moti­vated by sex alone?
  • Do you get jeal­ous easily?
  • Do you put up with bratty behavior?

Her shit tests help her to weed out the play­ers and weak-willed men and iden­tify the guys who are wor­thy of her time and atten­tion. They are a woman’s way to size you up as a man and decide if she is roman­ti­cally inter­ested in you, or not.

At the end of the day, shit tests are her way of pro­tect­ing her­self from dis­ap­point­ment by find­ing out if you’re the real deal or some Johnny-come-lately who is just going to mess her around or waste her time.

The Good News About Con­gru­ence Tests

If you’re feel­ing like the vic­tim of a female con­spir­acy, I have some good news. When a woman con­gru­ency tests you, it doesn’t mean that she is reject­ing you. In fact, her resis­tance is often con­fir­ma­tion that she is inter­ested in you and wants to get to know you better.

After all, if she had already writ­ten you off, or rel­e­gated you to the Friend Zone, there would be no rea­son to shit test you, right?

  • Either she is legit­i­mately attracted to you and she wants to throw a span­ner in the works to reas­sure her­self that you’re the desir­able guy that she thinks you are. Her sen­ti­ment is, “This guy is cute, I won­der if he’s the real deal…”
  • Or she is on the fence about you and wants to see how you han­dle your­self when she tries to exert her fem­i­nine power over you. Her sen­ti­ment here is, “I hope he says or does the right thing to prove to me that he’s the real deal.” It’s like she is throw­ing you a life­line to win her over.

What­ever her motives, shit tests are a fact of life and the sooner you accept this, the bet­ter off you’ll be. Instead of see­ing shit tests as a threat, try to see them as an oppor­tu­nity to demon­strate that you’re a high value man and set your­self apart from the other men she meets.

If you prove to her that you’re a mas­cu­line man who can han­dle him­self with con­fi­dence, then she’ll feel free to relax and enjoy her fem­i­nin­ity with you.

The more tests you pass, the more con­vinced she will be that you’re a great catch and the fewer tests she will give you. That is until you give her a rea­son to test you again by mak­ing her feel sus­pi­cious about you or inse­cure about where she stands in the relationship.

Iden­tify Her Motives for Test­ing You

More good news is that shit tests can be neu­tral­ized quite eas­ily if you just stay in con­trol and under­stand her under­ly­ing motives for test­ing you. Keep in mind that women want you to pass their tests and are secretly root­ing for you.

A lot of guys make the mis­take of eval­u­at­ing the con­tent of her words too closely and not pay­ing enough atten­tion to the con­text of the sit­u­a­tion in which the words were said. They respond to the symp­toms rather than the root cause.

A lit­tle social intel­li­gence goes a long way in help­ing you to iden­tify the real issue and nip it in the bud. The advan­tage of address­ing her sus­pi­cions and inse­cu­ri­ties directly, is that you won’t have to deal with sim­i­lar tests repeatedly.

It saves you from hav­ing to think up a clever come­backs to demon­strate your mas­cu­line dom­i­nance and put her in her place every time you get some resis­tance from her.

Your goal should be to demon­strate your con­fi­dence and if pos­si­ble make her feel secure, while avoid­ing get­ting caught up in a ver­bal arms race or try­ing to “out ban­ter” her. With this in mind, let’s look now at some poten­tial responses to com­mon shit tests.

Exam­ple Shit Tests and Responses

You look like you’re a player… are you a player?

Why she said it: Women want to pro­tect them­selves from being taken for a ride. They’re wor­ried about emo­tion­ally invest­ing in you and risk­ing get­ting hurt.

What to say: Reas­sure her with­out mak­ing excuses for your­self by say­ing some­thing like, “Sure when I’m sin­gle I go out to meet girls and I can be bad, but when I’m in a rela­tion­ship I’m good and I treat my girl­friend well.”

You just want to sleep with me.

Why she said it: Women who use lines like this want reas­sur­ance that there is a pos­si­bil­ity for some­thing more than just a phys­i­cal rela­tion­ship and that you can be trusted.

What to say: Show her that you can be trusted by hav­ing the balls to be hon­est and direct with her. Share some inti­macy with her by get­ting phys­i­cally closer to her and say, “Yeah of course I want to sleep with you… Who wouldn’t? You’re gorgeous.”

I bet you say that to all the girls.

Why she said it: She thinks that you sound too rehearsed and she’s wor­ried about being played.

What to say: Resist the temp­ta­tion of try­ing to con­vince her that you’ve never used that line before. Instead, defuse the sit­u­a­tion with humor. Ask her how well it’s work­ing for her or tell her, “Yeah, but I can tell you like it” and smile suggestively.

Why are you talk­ing to me?

Why she said it: This is a tough test and is a sure sign of a woman who is approached fre­quently by men, so you need to be extra smooth to prove your mettle.

What to say: Look her dead in the eyes and say, “Because you looked inter­est­ing from over there and I wanted to see if your looks matched your per­son­al­ity.” Alter­na­tively, you can deflect this ball buster by ask­ing her the time. When she responds con­fused come back with, “I wasn’t aware talk­ing to you was off lim­its after…” fill in the blank with the time.

How many girls have you slept with?

Why she said it: She’s wor­ried that you’re not going to be faithful.

What to say: Tell the truth if you think it’s more than she has, but less than 15. If more, it’s bet­ter not to say any­thing, so say you don’t count.

Sorry, I don’t give my num­ber to strangers

Why she said it: She’s play­ing hard to get and is not sure that you can be trusted. Chances are you didn’t make her feel com­fort­able enough before ask­ing for her digits.

What to say: You could try to sal­vage the sit­u­a­tion with some­thing like, “Yeah I get that, and that’s cool actu­ally, because most girls give their num­ber out too eas­ily, so lets add each other on Face­book, keep in touch, and if we feel like meet­ing some­time, then cool, if not, no big­gie.” (Alter­na­tively, check out my post on How to Get a Girl’s Num­ber the Right Way to avoid this sit­u­a­tion in the first place.)

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Gen­eral Tips for Respond­ing to Shit Tests

One of the tell­tale traits of an alpha male is his abil­ity to main­tain a cool, calm and col­lected demeanor in high-pressure sit­u­a­tions. He doesn’t get overly emo­tional and he’s not easy to throw off balance.

The eas­i­est way to fail shit tests is to get angry or react too emo­tion­ally so you should never snap at her or get into a shout­ing match. Also, you don’t always have to play along with her, so don’t feel obliged to give her a seri­ous response and the plea­sure of being in con­trol, unless you want to.

In most sit­u­a­tions humor, a tease or some­thing unex­pected is the best response. If she’s just being unrea­son­able, feel free to ignore or deflect her ques­tions and then re-engage the con­ver­sa­tion with an obser­va­tional statement.

Remem­ber that if you want some­thing, you must be pre­pared to risk los­ing it. Too many guys put women on pedestals and are afraid of los­ing a girl they’re attracted to, so they com­pro­mise on their ideals.

If she is bratty or bitchy with you, don’t be afraid to put your foot down and tell her that her behav­ior is unac­cept­able to you. Being pre­pared to walk away if she crosses the line com­mu­ni­cates that you’re a high sta­tus man with options and is very attrac­tive to women.

Clos­ing Thoughts

Shit tests often get bad rap with men, but they are sim­ply a woman’s way of say­ing, “This is mov­ing for­ward. I like you, but I’m not 100% sure about you yet.” They are an oppor­tu­nity for you to reas­sure her by demon­strat­ing that you’re a con­fi­dent and high value man.

Remem­ber that she is delib­er­ately try­ing to throw you off bal­ance. By stay­ing cool and keep­ing your com­po­sure, you com­mu­ni­cate that you are in con­trol, non-needy and every bit the kind of man she hopes you are. Do this suc­cess­fully and you’ll see a notice­able spike in her attrac­tion for you.

You will never grad­u­ate from shit tests com­pletely, but you can greatly reduce the num­ber of hoops she makes you jump through by being con­gru­ent in your actions and words. Become the high value, mas­cu­line man that women really want and her tests will roll off you like water off a ducks back.

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About Tyler Duncan

I'm not naturally good with women. Most of what I know I learned the hard way. I know how it feels to be too shy to approach, to get stuck in the "Friend Zone" and have girls flake on me. Check out this embarrassing post about How I Got My First Slap →


  1. This is very infor­ma­tive. Thank you so much!!!!! I under­stand now!!

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