Flaking out is when a woman gives you her contact details, but then doesn’t respond to your messages, goes cold after a few exchanges, or doesn’t show up on a date.
One moment she seems really into you and you’re excited about the prospect of a hot date, and then suddenly her attraction fizzles out and you’re left wondering what on earth went wrong.
You might have even arranged a date and after 20 minutes of anxiously waiting for her she texts you with, “Sorry, can’t make it…” Boom! You’ve been flaked on.
All that time and effort, wasted. Sure, you want to believe whatever excuse she has for why she couldn’t show up, but deep inside you feel disrespected and treated like a sucker.
Nobody is immune to flake out, so don’t beat yourself up when this happens to you. The best you can do is reduce your flake out rate by understanding some of the main reasons women flake and improve your seduction skills by making more approaches.
Women Flake Out For Any Number of Reasons
I know it’s frustrating when you get flaked on, but try not to take it too personally. Remember that woman flake out for any number of reasons, that often don’t have anything to do with you:
- She could be experiencing some kind of “buyers remorse.” She may have lost her enthusiasm for what seemed like a good idea at the time, thinking that she doesn’t know you well enough.
- Maybe she has a boyfriend she didn’t mention. While she felt flattered at the attention you gave her, she might now be having second thoughts about jeopardizing her relationship.
- Perhaps she’s busy and the initial excitement she felt at the prospect of going out with you has faded as her lifestyle has gotten in the way.
- Maybe she’s just not feeling adventurous enough. Men are not the only ones who get nervous about relationships.
- Perhaps she was under the influence of alcohol when she met you and doesn’t remember you well enough.
- Maybe she is sick and bed ridden, or she got in a freak accident and is in the hospital.
- Or it could be that she has personal issues going on in her life.
- Or any other number of reasons known only to her…
The point is that flakes happen to everyone, so get used to it. There are simply too many things going on in most attractive women’s lives to figure out why each one flakes. You’re better off adopting the attitude of “It’s not a big deal” and moving on.
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The #1 Reason Why Women Flake Out
Perhaps biggest cause of flake out in women that you have control over is that not enough comfort and rapport was generated before asking for her contact details. Either you bailed out of the conversation too early, or you started to appear too interested and needy, resulting in a loss of attraction.
Remember that often a woman will give you her number even if she has no intention of ever seeing you again. It’s simply more comfortable for women to ignore calls from guys than to reject every guy to their face. So the most effective way to reduce flake is to make sure you generate comfort and rapport before asking for her number.
The #2 Reason Why Women Flake Out
The second biggest reason why girls flake is that too much time has passed between the initial and subsequent contacts. So if you have a great conversation with a woman, don’t wait more than a day or two before calling or messaging her or you risk losing momentum.
You want the excitement of your conversation to be fresh in her memory and not something she’d long forgotten about. Also, if you wait too long she might assume that you’re not really that into her or she might meet someone else.
One approach would be to send her a simple text like “Hey Kelly, I enjoyed meeting you” within the first 24 hours of getting her number. Most girls who are really interested will respond to that. From there wait another day to start a text conversation trying to reference something from your original conversation to keep some continuity and then ask her out.
How Often to Expect Flaking Out
In his book From Shy to Social Christopher Gray suggests that if you practice confident and engaging conversation with women and build rapport within the first minutes, the odds of getting a woman’s email or telephone number is about one in five. Of those approximately four in five women will flake out.
This means that of the five women that gave you their contact details, one will be willing to communicate extensively after the initial interaction, so the true success rate is one in twenty-five approaches.
Don’t let these numbers put you off because the odds are not as bad as they sound when you consider that you’re approaching women out of the blue, some of whom have boyfriends, or some other personal reason for not dating.
Also remember that these are women you are choosing, whose physical appearance, age, style, and demeanor appeal to you. At the end of the day it’s a numbers game and flakey women are an inevitable part of the equation.
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What to Do If She Starts Flaking
- It’s important not to come across as needy so if a woman stops answering your messages, immediately drop levels of investment on your side and don’t pursue her as hard.
- Don’t be too quick to suggest another date if she makes an excuse for the first one. Take your time in replying and keep it simple like “ok, cool” then let it rest before pinging her again out of the blue for a second try.
- Only ever ask a girl out twice. If she is still non-committal after the second time you ask her, she’s probably not interested so focus your energy on someone else. You could also put the onus on her to get in touch with you if she wants to catch up sometime.
How to Reduce Your Flake Out Rate
Flakey girls are a part of life, but by increasing the number of approaches you make you’ll reduce your flake out rate. As you get more practice and your approach anxiety lessens it will become easier to establish rapport and make a strong impression when you first meet.
Most importantly, your own increased comfort level will lead to longer (and better) conversations. Remember, a woman’s comfort level and her initial attraction to you are paramount in reducing flake out. Talking to girls on the phone or via text should basically just be about arranging logistics or resurrecting leads.
I know how shitty it feels when you get your hopes up only to be let down. You pull out your phone every five minutes checking to see if you missed her message. The worst thing about it is that you often don’t know where you went wrong.
The dating game can be tough, so when this happens to you don’t take it too personally. Just accept that chances are if she liked you enough, she’d find a way to make things happen. Don’t waste any more of your time, take a hint and move on.
Most importantly, don’t be discouraged. Remember that more women you approach the more success you’ll have.
P.S. — Seduction guru Carlos Xuma shares a cool trick for finding out if a woman is going to flake on a date. This tip could save you tons of time and money wasted on the wrong woman. Watch the “Flake Detector” video here.
Then check out my Seduction eCourse — It’s Free!